Chapter 41

It was a quiet flight back to New Jersey. Everyone was tired and looking forward to a few days off on home turf. The guys alternated between sleeping and playing cards quietly. Even David and Richie were subdued.

Brianna answered a few e-mails, but spent most of her time staring out of the window trying to figure out what was happening to her. She was changing, becoming someone she didn't recognize and she didn't know why.

Jon was likewise buried in his own thoughts. Guilt was weighing heavily on him - not just what he was doing to Dorothea, but what all this was doing to Brianna. None of this was fair....to anyone.

At the airport, they cleared Customs and split up, each heading for the car that would take them home - or in Tico's case a connecting flight. David paused before driving off to watch his frontman and his assistant.

Jon stood by the open car door motioning for Brianna to climb in first.

But Brianna shook her head. "I've got some things I need to do. Tell Dot I'll be out the day after tomorrow."

He studied her face for a long moment, then nodded and climbed into the car.

David watched Brianna, her shoulders drooping, tow her suitcase towards the cab stand and wondered what was going on.

"Daddy, Daddy, you home!" Jake met Jon at the door with a hug, then immediately looked behind him. "Where Bianna?"

"She had to go to her home for a couple days."

"Why?"

"Yes, why?" Dorothea asked from the doorway to the living room. 

His heart lurched at the sight of her, seeing the changes the last month had wrought. She was thinner, a pale ghost of the woman he loved, and her breaths were a little gaspy. He frowned in concern. "Where's your oxygen?"

Dorothea waved towards the room behind her and ignored his frown. "Why isn't Brianna with you? Did you have a fight?"

"No, we didn't have a fight, she said she had some things to do and she'd be out the day after tomorrow. Let's go sit down."

Dorothea allowed him to help her into the living room and attach the oxygen hose. She studied her husband. "What happened between you two?"

He'd already decided she didn't need to know. Despite her pushing for it, being faced with the reality of it would still have to hurt. And she was in enough pain. "Nothing happened. She just had some personal stuff to do." He moved to stand in front of the windows and watch the Navesink flow by. "With everything we expect of her, don't you think she deserves a couple days to herself?"

Dorothea smiled to herself. He could deny it all he wanted, but she knew him, and she knew something had happened. The signs were all pointing in the right direction: he was protecting Brianna and considering her feelings. That told Dot that Brianna had managed to get under Jon's skin - a long way under - and he cared about her. I knew she was the right woman for him! "I know we've asked a lot of her, but it will get easier soon. There's only nine more shows left and football's done for awhile. So, it'll just be us....the family."

Jon turned to look at his wife. "You really want her here that much? All the time?"

"Yes, I do. I need her here. We need her here."

"Why?" Maybe he could find an alternative and then he and Brianna could get some much needed space from each other.

"Because she's the one I feel the most comfortable having around to help...all of us."

He sighed. So much for that idea. He was going to have to find a way to cope with both the women in his life. Shouldn't be too hard. And after that peace in the Middle East ought to be a piece of cake. Just the thought made him tired.

Dry cleaning, laundry and errands done, apartment clean, Brianna opened a bottle of wine and sat on her balcony, enjoying the city lights.....and trying to find some answers. She couldn't understand her own behaviour.  She'd always been disgusted by women who screwed around with married men, thought they were heartless whores, one of the lowest forms of the female half do the species.

And now she was one of them.

It didn't matter that his wife had encouraged it, it was still cheating and it was still wrong. So why couldn't she stop? Was it some defect in her? Was it something about Jon that overruled her morals and conscience? Or was she so hungry for a man that her libido over ruled everything else? Face it Bri, you care about the man. Despite his temper, despite his control freak tendencies, you care about him and what he's going through. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against her chair. Still doesn't make it right! He's married....and his wife is dying! The last thing you should be doing is getting involved with him on such a personal level. What are you hoping to get out of this anyway?

And that was the big question. Was she truly just trying to give aid and comfort? Or was she hoping for something....more? But that was crazy! Even if he did have feelings for her, it could be years before he was emotionally ready for a relationship again. And where would that leave her? Waiting on the sidelines for something that might never happen?

No. That way led to nothing but unfulfilled hopes and pain. She'd be better off stopping this....whatever it was.....now and keeping their relationship strictly professional......and looking for an available man as soon as she could find some time. Maybe she should quit and find another job. But the thought of leaving him and those children to face Dorothea's death alone was more than she could stomach. They wouldn't be alone. They have family to help them through it. 

She sipped her wine and frowned. But you are the one Dot is counting on to help them. And regardless of her own feelings, she couldn't let her down. She was going to have to find a way to cope with being around Jon, and the feelings that created. She snorted and sighed. Sure, easy.....piece of cake.

When Brianna parked and got out of her car, she was greeted by Copper. "Hey boy! Are you keeping watch?" She ruffled his fur.  A snort told her they weren't alone. She looked up to see Jesse walking towards the house from the garage. "Hi Jess."

"Hi." He looked down at the dog. "The only thing he keeps watch on is his food dish.....and anything Jake drops on the floor."

Brianna laughed and slid an arm around his shoulders. "How ya doing?"

Jesse shrugged. "Okay I guess." He frowned and scuffed his foot against the driveway's asphalt. "It's.......hard.....to watch her like this."

"And you wish you could help her, right? Make her better?" He nodded. Brianna hugged him. "I know. I think the best we can do is make sure she knows how much we love her and help her any way we can." And I need to remember that's why I'm here. "Are you doing football camp again this summer?"

Jesse shrugged again. "Don't know. Haven't decided.”

Brianna studied his face for a moment. She had a feeling she knew what was going through his head. "Jess.....you do whatever you feel up to. You don't need to feel guilty and no one is going to be mad either way, okay? If you want to go play, go. If you want to stay home, stay. It's totally up to you. And whatever you decide is totally okay. I promise."

He looked at her for a long moment, trying to determine if she was telling the truth. He finally decided she was. "Okay. I'll think about it."

"Good. Any idea what your mom's got planned for dinner tonight?"

"I think Dad's in charge tonight."

"Okay, so..." She caught his eye. He grinned.

"Pizza!" They spoke in unison and laughed.

Dorothea and Jon stood looking out the window and watched them.

"She's good with the kids." Dot noted.

"Mmmmm." Jon agreed.

"And they really like her."

"Mmmmhmmm."

"And you really like her."

"Mmmmhmmm....wait! What?" His head swivelled sharply to look at her.

She chuckled and patted his arm. "It's okay honey. It's how it's supposed to be. Don’t screw it up."

Jon watched her move towards the door to greet Brianna, a frown creasing his brow. After a few seconds he shook his head. Even sick, her mind was still an enigma to him.