Chapter 16

  

 “Brianna, where the hell is Jon?” Paul threw the question at her as he walked through the doorway to her office. “I’ve left voicemails, sent texts and e-mails and he’s not answering.”

“I don’t know Paul. All he told me was that it was personal business and he wasn’t available – for any reason.” Brianna shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Well fuck! If you don’t know then no one does.” He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. “He picked a great fucking time to go AWOL. The tour starts in a week!  He knows better than to just disappear at this point!” 

Paul’s reaction and his obvious tension confirmed Brianna’s suspicion that something unusual and very serious was going on with Jon.  “Well, I guess between you and I, we’re just going to have to run things the best we can until he surfaces.”

Paul just grunted. “Let me know if you hear from him will you?”

“Sure.” Brianna watched him leave the room and sighed. Things around the office weren’t getting any easier.

Over the last few weeks Jon’s mood had gone from bad to worse. She’d finally come right out and asked him what she was doing wrong or what she’d done to upset him. He’d tried to reassure her that she hadn’t done anything, that he was just trying to work through some stuff, but she wasn’t sure she believed him. 

Scrubbing her hands over her face, Brianna wondered if there was enough caffeine in the world to get her through the next week. Between her anxiousness about her first tour, her desire to do a good job and putting out fires during Jon’s frequent disappearing acts – not to mention trying to keep a handle on what was happening with the Soul – she was putting in long hours with little sleep as she double and triple checked all the arrangements required. At least having the private plane meant she didn’t have the hassle of coordinating flight schedules. The hotels and Jon’s personal requirements were enough of a headache.  I hope the actual tour is easier or I don’t know if I can survive it!   The ringing of her phone interrupted her thoughts. With another sigh, she sat up, reached for the phone and forced herself to focus on the latest brushfire.  “Brianna speaking.”

When Dr. Latham entered the room and rounded the desk to take a seat, Jon reached out for Dorothea’s hand. She squeezed it and took a deep breath. “So what’s the verdict? Did the chemo work?”

“Unfortunately not as well as I had hoped.” Dr. Latham didn’t sugar coat it. The time she’d spent with Dorothea told her complete honesty was the best way to communicate with her. “Surgery is still not an option.”

Heart sinking, Dorothea let out a shaky breath and nodded.

Jon wasn’t so accepting. “So when do we start the next round?”

Dr. Latham eyed her patient. “Are you up to that?”

Dorothea didn’t need to look at her husband to know what his opinion was. She was more tired than she’d ever been in her life and felt like she’d been run over by a Mack truck.....more than once, but she’d promised she’d give it everything she had. “Yes. Let’s give it another shot.”

“Okay.” Dr. Latham searched Dorothea’s face for a moment, then nodded. “I’ll set it up and let you know the schedule. In the meantime, get plenty of rest and bulk up on fresh fruits and vegetables.”

During the drive home, Dorothea debated long and hard, but finally took a deep breath and braced herself for the argument she knew her next words would start. “I think it’s time to tell the kids.....the family.”

“No!” Jon’s jaw tensed. “It’s not necessary.”

“Yes, it is. You’re about to hit the road and I’ll need someone to take me to my appointments. You know how they wipe me out. There’s no way I can drive myself without risking an accident. And I’ll need help with the kids on the bad days.”

Jon’s mind raced to find another way, but came up empty. She was right She did need help. But still.... “Okay, we’ll tell my parents. They can help you when I’m away. But not the kids. Jake and Romeo are too young to understand and there’s no point scaring Steph and Jesse.”

“We can’t wait too long.” She paused, debating, then forged ahead. “This is the last time Jon.”

“What do you mean?”

“This round of chemo.....it’s the last one. If it works, fantastic, but if it doesn’t....that’s it. I’ll take whatever time I have left and spend it with my family.”

“You’re giving up!” He accused.

“No, I’m not, I’m being realistic. I will fight through this round, but if it doesn’t work, I’m not going to spend the rest of my life throwing up my toenails and feeling like my guts are being ripped out one inch at a time, and my head will explode at any minute! Not to mention being so tired I can barely drag myself out of bed to care for my children.” She shook her head. “No. No more. This is the last round.”

Jon’s eyes grew wet and he swallowed heavily, but didn’t argue. As much as he loved her, he couldn’t ask her to suffer like that without a substantial chance of success.

When he stayed silent, Dorothea knew she’d won that round.....but she wasn’t done yet. “You should tell the guys.” She held up a hand to stop his protest. “You need a support team around you on the road.”

“No. I don’t need people giving me pitying looks and treating me like I’m a fragile piece of glass...or constantly asking me how you are.” As selfish as it sounded, he needed the tour to give him a distraction, an....escape...from what they were facing. “No. Not yet. Not unless we have to.”

Dorothea bowed to his decision. They were his friends after all and he was right about how they would react. But...“Then Brianna needs to be told.”

“No.” Jon’s response was instantaneous. “It’s none of her business.”

Dorothea dug in her heels. “Yes it is. You’ve been a bear to deal with lately and that isn’t going to get any better. She’s going be taking the brunt of your temper on the road, and she’ll have to be your buffer with the guys and the crew. If you don’t want her to get fed up and quit, she needs to know why. Plus there may be times when I need her to be our go between. It will all go a lot easier – for all of us – if she’s aware of the situation.”

“But....”

“Jon.” She reached over and laid her hand on his arm. “You hired her to deal with the outside world so that you could focus on what’s important to you. Is she doing a good job?”

“Yes.” He admitted. “Better, even, than I’d hoped.”

“Do you trust her?”

“Yes.” Even though he’d only known her about six months, he didn’t have to think about his response....it was an instinctive, gut reaction.

“Then give her the information she needs to do the job you – we – need her to do.”  Having presented her case, Dorothea sat back and let him think about the points she’d raised.

They made the rest of the drive in silence.

Just after lunch the next day, Brianna tossed her phone into her purse, checked the contents of her briefcase and headed out the door.

She paused by the front desk. “Evelyn, Jon just called. I’m on my way out to the house.”

“Okay. Oh! Can you take this with you? It’s from Paul. It’ll save me couriering it.” The receptionist held out a thick envelope.

“Sure.” Brianna put it in her briefcase, and with a wave, was out the door.

The trip to Red Bank was smooth and uneventful –even the weather co-operated - but she had a feeling her visit was going to be anything but. Something in Jon’s voice when he asked her to come to the house gave her the impression that whatever he wanted to talk about wasn’t a pleasant subject. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse. What’s he going to do now? Cancel the tour? Double the length of it? Fire me? She could drive herself crazy with hundreds of possible scenarios and she was too tired. Whatever happens, happens. I’ll deal with whatever he’s going to throw at me......after I have a nap.

Parking in her usual spot, she sat for a moment, then surrendered to the inevitable and headed for the house.

Dorothea answered the door. “Hi. Come on in. Jon’s in the office.”

“Hi. Thanks.” Brianna toed off her boots and started down the hallway.

“How’ve you been? You look tired.” Dorothea fell into step with her.

Brianna shrugged. “Last minute tour details, and first tour nerves. What’s your excuse?” In her opinion, Dorothea looked like shit. She was pale, her eyes looked a little sunken and had dark circles under them.

Dorothea managed a weak smile. “Life.”

Reaching Jon’s office, Brianna knocked and hearing his grunt, entered. She was surprised to see Dorothea follow her in and round the desk to stand beside her husband.

Uh oh. United front. This can’t be good. “Hi Boss. What’s up? Oh! I’ve got a package here from Paul.”

Jon took the envelope and set it aside. “Tour contracts. Thanks.” He toyed with the pen lying on his desk. Dorothea nudged him. He shifted in his chair and cleared his throat. “I want to apologize for being...”

“A bear.” Dorothea provided helpfully.

Jon scowled, but didn’t argue the description. “And for being unavailable so much lately and leaving you to look after everything on your own. You’ve done a great job, by the way.”

“Thank you.” If this meeting was to let her go, it was certainly off to a strange start. After a moment’s silence, she took a chance. “Jon, is there something you need me to do?”

“No.” Another nudge from his wife had him raking his hand through his hair with a sigh. “Yes. I’m going to need you to run interference for me for the next while, especially on the tour.”

“Okay. Who are you trying to avoid?”

“It’s not that so much...” He really didn’t know how to say it. Another rake of hand through hair. Another sigh. “I’m....” He glanced at his wife. “We’re going through some....stuff, and it’s taking a lot of my time and attention. I won’t be available for the staff and crew like I usually am. I’ll need you to pick up the slack, to be the.....buffer....between me and them.”

Great so much for the tour being easy. She was torn between dread at the added work load and pride at the confidence he showed in her abilities. “Okay.” What else was she going to say?

“Oh for...” Dorothea gave her husband an exasperated look, then locked her gaze with Brianna’s. “I have cancer.”

Holy shit! To say Brianna was shocked would be an understatement, although it did explain a lot – Jon’s vile mood, his frequent disappearances, Dorothea’s appearance...all made sense now. “I’m sorry.”

Dorothea just nodded. “I start my second round of chemo soon. We’re telling Jon’s parents, but no one else.” She paused. “The kids don’t know.”

Brianna understood the request for silence on the issue. “Got it.” Her gaze switched to Jon. “So....are you cancelling the tour or at least some dates?”

“No.” Jon’s one word response left no room for discussion.

                                                                                              

As she fought to hide her surprise, the full extent of what it all meant began to sink in. A dull ache started behind her eyes.  Fuck! Full tour while his wife is undergoing cancer treatment? And they’re not telling anyone? And I’m supposed to be his ‘buffer’ for that? Note to self: add body armour and Valium to list of tour essentials!    

“Jon, would you go check on the kids for me please?” Once he’d left the room, Dorothea took the chair beside Brianna. “As you can see, Jon isn’t dealing with this real well. He doesn’t want to talk about it, he doesn’t want to accept what the outcome might very well be.” She swallowed. “But you and I are more realistic. It’s in my pancreas, and the prognosis isn’t great.”

Brianna didn’t know what to say, so she just kept quiet and let the other woman talk.

“As it’s probably already occurred to you, Jon’s going to be more difficult than usual to deal with, especially since he refuses to tell anyone – including his bandmates – about the situation. I’m sorry that you’re going to have to take the brunt of his moods. That’s one of the reasons that I fought and insisted that you be told. You needed to know to understand his behaviour and his needs. I’m relying on you to help him through this. I’ll keep you updated on my condition so you’ll know what mood to expect. There may also be times when I’ll need you to be a go-between for us.”

She paused and searched Brianna’s face. “I’m really sorry to dump all of this on you. I know it’s a lot to ask.....to expect. But instinct tells me I can count on you to help him – us – through this. Can I?”

When it was put that way, what option did she really have. “I’ll do my best.”