Chapter 14

Jon sat with Dorothea in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. The beige walls with their generic pieces of art and months old magazines scattered on various tables did nothing to distract him. Unable to sit still, he rose and paced around the room. – again.

“Honestly Jon, if you’re so anxious to get back to work, go!  Your yo-yo routine is driving me nuts!” Her voice was sharper than necessary, but her nerves were starting to get to her too.

“No, it’s fine. I want to be here with you.” He sat down again. If she wanted to pretend that his pacing was due to impatience to get back to work, he would play along...even though they both knew that wasn’t the reason for his nervous energy. “What did the doctor say again?” He didn’t need to hear the words repeated, they were etched on his brain – and the knife of fear that was piercing his heart – but the silence in the room was giving his imagination too much time to work.  He was terrified her constant fatigue, stomach pain and nausea were symptoms of something more serious than a virus.

“Just that the test results were back and she wanted to go over them with me – us.” She repeated the words automatically and fought to ignore the part of her heart that knew that they don’t call you in for good news....and that doctors don’t send you for CT scans and MRIs on a whim, and she didn’t want to remember the huge biopsy needle.

When the nurse called their names they stood and instinctively reached for each other’s hands. The walk to the examining room couldn’t have been more than fifty feet, but it felt like fifty miles. The five minutes waiting for the doctor felt like five hours.

“Dorothea, Jon thanks for coming in.” Dr. Lewis greeted them with a faint smile as she entered the room and took her seat behind the desk. “So the results of your tests came back.” She didn’t believe in mincing words, preferring to come straight to the point – particularly in cases like this. “I won’t beat around the bush.  It’s not what I had hoped for. The biopsy confirmed what I suspected from the symptoms you described, the CT and MRI.” She paused. “I’m afraid it’s cancer.”

Jon’s mind went blank as he tried to process that dreaded word. He knew he should be asking questions....saying....something, but he couldn’t form any words.  Although they knew this was a possibility, he really thought it was going to be something benign – or maybe a simple infection or some such thing that could be cured with a few pills. After all, he’d always had that golden horseshoe. Everything he’d really wanted, he’d gotten.

Apparently that lucky streak didn’t extend to his wife.

Dorothea closed her eyes for a moment and reached out to squeeze Jon’s hand. When she opened them again, she focused on the doctor. “Is it just in my pancreas or has it spread?”

“From what we can see it’s only in the pancreas, but the tumour is too big to operate.”

Something in her face and tone told Dorothea more than her words. “It doesn’t matter though does it.”

It wasn’t really a question.

Dr. Lewis met Dorothea’s gaze and let her sympathy and regret show. “No it doesn’t. I’m sorry.”

Dorothea nodded and swallowed heavily. “How long do I have?”

“Whoa whoa WHOA! Hold on a minute!” Jon sat forward. “There are treatment options, right? We can fight this!”

“Jon...”

“NO!” He cut off whatever his wife was going to say. “No Dot. We don’t just give up. We fight!” He squeezed her hand. “Just like every obstacle we’ve ever faced. When I wanted a career in music but no one thought I could do it, when your family didn’t want you to marry me and told you I’d only make you miserable, when people said a woman could never run a successful dojo, when Doc almost killed me, when I was stupid and almost drove you away.” His lips twisted into a wry smile. “The odds have been against us for most of the time we’ve been together, but we’ve always made it through. By fighting for it. Together. This is just another battle. Another fight. We’ll win this one too.”

Dorothea’s eyes filled with tears.

Jon turned to face her fully. “Dotty, you fought to create this family and keep it together when everyone said it would never work. You proved them wrong. You can do it again. I know you can!”

Dorothea blew out a ragged breath, squeezed his hand and nodded.  “I know. I just want to be aware of what I’m in for.” Turning back to the doctor, she stiffened her spine. “So what’s our next step?”

Dr. Lewis smiled gently. She didn’t want to give them false hope, but she wouldn’t take it away either from them either. And a positive attitude could only help her through the ordeal she was facing. Unfortunately, when it came to pancreatic cancer, by the time symptoms appeared and diagnosis was made, it was already at an advanced stage. Less than twenty percent of patients survived a year. “I’ll refer you to Dr. Latham, a friend of mine who’s an oncologist at Sloan-Kettering. She specializes in pancreatic cancers. She’ll go over your options with you.”

“And in the meantime? What can I expect?”

“More of what you’ve already experienced....abdominal pain, vomiting, diarrhea, fatigue. I’ll give you something for the pain and nausea. Rest when you need to.  You’ll have to just try different foods and see what your body can tolerate.” She handed over the prescriptions. “I’m always here if you have any questions or just need to talk.”

“Thank you.” Dorothea stood and shook her hand. Jon followed suit.

It was a silent ride home. Both were lost in their own thoughts and, quite frankly, didn’t know what to say.

At the house, Jon stopped Dorothea before she opened the door. “Honey.....I....I...”

Slender fingers stopped his bumbling words. She smiled and kissed him. “I know. Thank you. I love you too.”

“Mommy! Mommy! You home!” Jake came running out of the house to hug his mother.   

“Did you miss me?”

“Yep! I no yike it when you go away.”

Jon had to look away from his wife who was struggling to keep it together, his eyes stinging with his own tears. “I’ll make dinner tonight.”

“Yay! Pizza!” Jake ran into the house to tell his siblings.

“I’m sorry, I never thought....are you going to be able to eat that?” Jon frowned and cursed himself for his thoughtlessness.

Dorothea shrugged. “We’ll find out. If not you can make me a grilled cheese sandwich.”

                   

                                                                                                                          

The evening was pure torture. They tried to act normal for the kids’ sake. It wasn’t easy, but Jon thought they’d done a good job of it.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” His daughter’s question revealed that they weren’t as successful as he’d thought.

“What do you mean?” Dorothea frowned. She wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about it yet.

“I don’t know, you just seem.....off.”

“I’m just tired sweetie. I’m fine.” She stood and started to clear the table. “Why don’t we watch a movie tonight?”

“Yay!” Jake jumped off his chair. “I go wake up de TV!”

“I get to pick the movie!” Jesse glared at his sister. “It’s my turn and I don’t want any stupid chick flick!”

“Nyah nyah nyah.” Steph curled her lip at him. “I don’t want a stupid blood and guts movie.”

“Me either!” Dorothea agreed.

Jesse considered for a moment. “Fantastic Four?”

“Okay.” Steph agreed.

“I’ll clean up. Go relax.” Jon urged his wife.

“Thanks.”

When he walked into the living room ten minutes later he found Dorothea surrounded by their children, but instead of watching the movie, she was watching them, taking in every expression, every laugh.

It broke his heart.

“I’ve got to go to the office to make a phone call for a minute. I’ll be right back.”

Sitting behind his desk, Jon put his head in his hands and fought to bring his emotions under control. Pull it together man, she’s going to be alright. You’ve got to be strong for her. She’s going to be alright.

Any other outcome was not an option for him.

Giving himself a last mental shake, he took a deep breath, stood and went to join his family.