Chapter 115

She was a coward. There was no two ways about it. While she'd made great strides in being able to stand up for herself in a lot of situations, when it came to the man in her life and her job - specifically, his opinion of what her job should be - she was still a spineless wimp.

She knew that Jon was trying to ease her out of her job and into the role of full time wife and mother. When they first hired Amanda - a forty year old divorcee and former executive secretary in a large law firm - she was given charge of the basic correspondence and a bit of scheduling. It wasn't enough for a full time job, but she'd gotten a generous settlement in the divorce and was just looking for something to fill in some time. But as spring faded into summer and summer edged towards fall, Brianna noticed that more and more was being sent Amanda's way. Since she was knee deep in wedding arrangements, she didn't mind...too much. As long as it didn't become a permanent thing.

Then it went a step too far.

Returning from a meeting with the caterers, Brianna entered her office, sat down and frowned. A folder was missing. She searched through the small pile on top of her desk, then through the drawers. Twice. It wasn't there. Rising, she headed for Jon's office. "Jon?"

He glanced up and leaned back in his chair. "Hey honey. Get the menu finalized?"

"Hmm? Oh. Yes. You'll get your cookies." She snorted at his satisfied grin. "I had a red folder on my desk and now it's gone. Have you seen it?"

Jon frowned in thought and glanced around his desk. "What was in it?"

"It was my tour folder. It had the confirmed dates from AEG, hotel confirmations for the cities I've booked so far, the jet booking and a preliminary schedule."

"Oh. I sent that to Mandy."

Brianna felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "Why?"

"So that she can see how you do things, what still needs to be done and get a feel for how the tour functions before we hit the road."

Her gut told her his 'we' wasn't who she hoped it would be. She swallowed heavily. "Are you taking the tour away from me?"

"I'm not taking anything away from you." He hesitated, knowing she wasn't going to like what he was going to say, but he just couldn't see any other solution. "But let's face it. Someone's got to stay with the kids."

She sighed. "And that someone is me."

"Well I can't stay home."

"I know." So once again she was being told she needed to leave a fulfilling job and look after the homefront, like a good little wife. And the worst part was she couldn't argue his logic. The kids couldn't stay alone and it was too much to ask of a relative.

When she turned to leave the room, Jon grimaced. "Bri.."

She waved her hand, but didn't stop. "You're right. It's fine."

Only a stupid man would fall for 'I’m fine'. He knew she wasn't.....but he didn't know how to fix it. Sighing, he stood and followed her. He arrived in the living room in time to see her, ball in hand, heading for the back door. 

"Come on guys, let's go outside and play. Copper you too."

"Hey!" Romeo almost got knocked over by the exuberant canine. Regaining his balance, he took off after his pet.

"Bri.." Jon tried again, but she was already out the door.

"Daddy, you coming to play with us?" Jake asked as he paused in the doorway.

"Yeah Dad, come toss the football around." Jesse urged from behind him.

Knowing he was beaten for the moment, Jon scrubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, let's go."

After the kids had gone to bed, Jon tried again. "Honey, can we please talk about the tour?"

Brianna sighed. "There's really no need. I know this is the way it has to be."

"You know I'd rather have you with me, but the kids need you more."

"I know. I get it." Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

"So we've got our dresses, how's the rest of the planning coming along?" Lisa asked her sister-in-law. "Everything all set?"

The two of them, along with Rachel had spent the last few hours roaming the shops in Manhattan, and we're now relaxing on one of their favourite restaurant's patio, enjoying a few snacks and celebratory beverages.

Brianna nodded. "Pretty much. I've got a final meeting with the florist next week, but other than that everything's under control." She grinned. "Although the boys were very disappointed to find out their 'monkey suits' weren't actual monkey costumes."

The girls laughed.

"How's your mother been?" Rachel slanted her a knowing look and reached for her glass. After being married to Richard for fifteen years, she knew all too well how Sara worked.

"I took her with me to shop for my dress, so she's somewhat pacified." Brianna fought back a shudder at the memory. Sara had launched a full scale guilt trip, but Brianna had managed to stay strong. This wedding was going to be her way - especially since nothing else in her life was.

"What colour did you get?" Lisa wanted to know.

"Cream."

"Mmmm. Daddy Dearest won't be pleased." Rachel observed.

Brianna shrugged. "I know, but he's just going to have to suck it up. It's my wedding, my dress."

"Good girl!"

"At least with Jon you won't have to deal with the barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen mentality." Lisa commented encouragingly.

"Well, two out of three anyway." Brianna muttered as she picked up her glass and sipped.

Lisa and Rachel exchanged a glance and sat up.

"Brianna? Is someone wrong?" Lisa reached for her hand.

"Well, she'll never be barefoot. She likes shoes too much." Rachel noted. "Are you pregnant?"

Brianna snorted and shook her head. "Jon had a vasectomy after Romeo was born."

"That leaves the kitchen." Lisa frowned. "Bri, what's going on? Has he suddenly decided he doesn't want you to work?"

"Not exactly." Brianna sighed. "He hired another assistant a few months ago. He said with the house, the kids, the Soul, his charities and now the album release and the tour, it was too much for one person especially with all the wedding planning on top of all the rest."

"Sounds reasonable."

"Considerate even." Rachel agreed. "So what's the problem?"

"She will be accompanying him on the tour...."

"While you stay home with the kids." Rachel finished.

Brianna nodded.

"Well......someone has to stay with the kids." Lisa pointed out.

"I know."

"But you wish it didn't have to be you." Rachel guessed.

"Yes." Amber eyes filled. "I'm such a horrible person! Those kids lost their mother and all I can think about is losing a job."

"Not horrible," Lisa argued, "just human."

"Everyone involved knows how much you love those kids." Rachel added. "And with your past experience with the men in your life and their views of your work, no one could blame you for being upset at having a job you love so much taken away."

"The worst part is, I can't even blame him. As you said, someone has to stay with the kids."

"What would have liked to see happen?" Lisa asked.

"I mentioned a nanny ages ago, but he wasn't interested."

"And would you be comfortable leaving the kids in someone else's care for the better part of a year and a half?" Rachel questioned. At Brianna's grimace she nodded. "I didn't think so."

"Talk to him. Maybe you can come up with some sort of compromise." Lisa suggested.

"Maybe." But she wasn't holding out much hope. She'd racked her brain but hadn't been able to come up with anything.

September had started off unseasonably warm, but a few days in the temperatures dropped drastically. Brianna prayed that it was just a blip and it would warm up again in time for the wedding.

"Looks like a storm coming." Carol shivered as she and Brianna hurried to the car. They'd had the final meeting with the florist and both were pleased with the result. "Those centrepieces are going to be just beautiful."

"Mmm. I think so too." Brianna agreed, casting an assessing eye at the rapidly darkening sky. "I hope we get home before it rains."

They made it just in the nick of time. As they closed the door behind them, there was a big clap of thunder and the skies opened.

"Whew! That was close." Carol exclaimed. "It's really coming down!"

The sound of Romeo's plaintive cries drew Brianna's gaze to the stairs. Jon appeared with the toddler in his arms and started down. "Good. You're back."

"What's wrong with him?"

"He was complaining about a stomach ache ever since you left. I just got him to sleep. That loud crack of thunder woke him up and scared him."

"Aw, poor little man." Brianna reached for him.

"Momma!" Romeo leaned towards her.

Jon jerked as if he'd been punched and would have pulled Romeo away, but Brianna already had him.

Her startled gaze flew to Jon's as she rubbed Romeo's back soothingly. "Jon..."

He waved a hand, turned on his heel and stalked away. "I've got work to do."

Brianna started after him, but Carol set a hand on her arm. "He was startled. Let him calm down first."

Sighing, Brianna nodded. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

Twenty minutes later, she entered his office and sat down across the desk from him. "Can we talk about this?"

"No."

"Jon, he was scared, he just woke and he's not feeling well. He didn't know what he was saying."

He grunted and stood up.

"Jon..."

"I've got to go pick up the kids." He left without another word.

After the kids had left the dinner table, she tried again. "What are you so angry about? He's an upset little boy. He didn't know what he was saying."

Jon shrugged his shoulders.

Her frustration boiled over. "Don't just shrug your shoulders! Don't grunt at me, talk to me! Tell me what I did wrong! Tell me what I..."

"You're not their mother!" Jon exploded. "You're not Dot and you never will be!"

It was a direct hit, straight to her heart. Despite everything she'd done, everything she'd given up...it still came back to Dot. "No, I'm not. Obviously, you not over.."

"I'll never get over her!"

She stared down at her ring. "Maybe we should rethink the wedding idea."

"Maybe we should."

Brianna took a deep breath and nodded. Her hands were shaking so bad she almost couldn't get the ring off. She stood up, laid the ring on the table beside him and walked out of the room.

The closing of the front door echoed a few seconds later.