Chapter 19

But of course, life doesn’t work that way.

When Jon arrived at the airfield to board the helicopter for the short trip to the Mohegan, it was obvious that his foul mood was back. Brianna hadn’t received her usual pass off call from Dorothea and had a sinking feeling that her health had taken a bad turn, but a crowded helicopter wasn’t the place to have that discussion.

In Jon’s dressing room, Brianna checked over his personal items on the counter while he flipped through the shirts in his stage wardrobe. The tense silence in the room was thick enough to cut with the proverbial knife. She opened her mouth several times to speak, then thought better of it – she still wasn’t comfortable intruding into their personal business - and closed it again.

But her conscience and the vision of Dorothea’s face when she asked her to look out for him finally forced her to speak. “Jon.....is something wrong? Is it Dorothea?”

He froze for a second, then continued shifting hangers in silence.

Brianna sighed, but pushed forward. “Jon? Did something happen? Is she feeling worse?”

“Can you just mind your own fucking business and leave me the fuck alone?!”  

Calmly, and quietly, Brianna set down the bottle of cologne in her hand and left the room. The sympathetic looks from several staffers told her everyone in the vicinity had heard him and sent her in search of some fresh air. Leaning against the side of the building, she stared at her phone for several long minutes before dialing. “Hi Dorothea, it’s Brianna. Is something going on I should be aware of?”

Dorothea sighed. “Is he bad?”

“Let’s just say the bear is in residence.....and refusing to talk about what burr’s stuck up his ass.”

“That’s some visual.” Dorothea laughed.

“Is there a problem?”

“Kind of.” She hesitated. “My hair has started falling out. Stephanie was brushing my hair and a clump came out. She freaked out. I told her that when you get to be my age and you have long hair it tends to break more. Not sure she bought it.” She sighed. “Then Jon and I had a big fight when I brought up telling the kids again.”

“Okay, yeah, that explains it. So.....not a good week then huh?”

“Not really. Pretty much feeling like crap.”

Brianna winced sympathetically. “Sorry, I’ll let you go rest. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Thanks Bri. And call me if Jon gets out of control.”

“Jon? Out of control?” Brianna snorted in disbelief.

Dorothea chuckled. “Just let me know. I’ll call him and see if I can calm him down.”

“Will do. Take care Dot.” Brianna hung up, but didn’t rush back inside.

The door beside her opened and a staffer stuck his head out, his relief evident when he saw her. “He’s looking for you.”

Brianna grimaced, but nodded. “Okay. Thanks.” She waited another minute, took a deep breath and went to face the bear.

Hesitating outside his door, she felt hands settle on her shoulders and squeeze. She turned her head to see David smiling at her gently.

“His roar is worse than his bite.” He assured her. “If you ever need a shoulder.....”

“Thanks David.”

The door in front of her jerked open. “BRI....oh. There you are.” His eyes narrowed at the scene in before him. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Just offering a little moral support for Red Riding Hood here about to enter the bear’s den.”

“Careful there Goldilocks or you might be the one on the menu.” Jon retorted, motioning Brianna into his dressing room.

“You guys need refreshers on your nursery rhymes.” Brianna managed a realistic frown as she stepped past her boss. “You’ve got them all mixed up.”

“Holler if you need rescuing.” David winked at her. “Maybe we can distract him with a nice pic-a-nic basket, hey Boo-Boo?”

Jon shook his head as he closed the door.

“He’s.......nuts.” Brianna spit out around her laughter.

“Just wait. You’ve only seen the tip of that crazy iceberg.” He motioned her towards a chair and waited for her to sit before speaking again. “Bri....I want to apologize for my behaviour earlier. You didn’t do anything wrong and I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He started to pace. “Dorothea says I need to stop bottling up my feelings about....all this...and talk to someone.” His glance shot to her. “In case you haven’t noticed, she’s volunteered you to be my sounding board.”

Brianna smiled wryly. “I’m aware. I’m also aware that this is an intensely personal situation and that it’s not easy for you to talk about.” She paused. “If you really don’t want to I understand, but it might help a little – if only to vent some of those feelings so that they don’t burst out at some inopportune time and at some unsuspecting soul.”

The stubborn expression that hardened his face didn’t surprise her and she wasn’t sure how to bring him around – or if she should even try. “Jon....I’m here if you want to talk, or vent or whatever. I’ve got a thick skin, I can take it. And better that you blow up at me than at your friends or the crew. I’m willing to be your buffer.” She searched his face. “Think about it. I’m here to help you in whatever way I can.”

Jon turned on his heel towards his wardrobe and raked a hand through his hair. “There’s one thing you can help me with right now.”

“Sure. What do you need?”

“Pick out a shirt.” He waved at the dozen on hangers in the wardrobe.

“What colour pants are you wearing?”

“Black.”

While she flipped through hangers, he sat in the vacated chair and closed his eyes.  This time the long minutes of silence weren’t uncomfortable. Finally, he sighed. “Dot’s hair is falling out. Steph saw and freaked out.”

Brianna debated whether to acknowledge that she’d talked to Dorothea, but decided to just let him talk and get it out. “That must have been rough – for everyone.”

“Yeah.” He was silent again for several moments. “Dot wants to tell the kids.”

“And you don’t want to.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“No.”

Feeling totally at sea, unsure how to deal with him, she didn’t know whether to push or let it be. I’m not trained for this! Taking a calming breath she went with her instincts. “Why not?”

“They don’t need to know. It would only upset them.”

“Is that it? Or is it that if you tell them it becomes real?” Even though he scowled at her, Brianna pressed on. “Their mother is sick. Even at their ages, they – well, maybe not Romeo but the rest - can see that. Especially Steph. If you just ignore it, they may resent you later. Plus it’s got to be hard on Dot to try and pretend everything’s fine, particularly on her bad days.” Her voice gentled and she chose her words carefully to instigate consideration, and not sound accusing. “That’s a lot of extra stress on her.”

Deciding she’d gone as far as she dared, Brianna handed him a shirt. “I’ll let you get changed. Let me know when you’re ready for your tea.”

That night when he got home, Dorothea awoke as he crawled into bed. “How was the show?”

“The show was fine.”

The emphasis on the word ‘show’ told her something was bothering him...and he was ready to talk about it. “What’s wrong?”

He was silent for so long she began to think he wasn’t going to talk after all. “Jon?”

Jon rubbed his hands over his face. “You really think we should tell the kids?”

Dorothea’s eyebrows rose in surprise, but she wasn’t about to let the opportunity pass. “Yes. At least that I’m sick.” She paused and lifted a hand to smooth out the frown wrinkling his brow. “I know you don’t want to upset them, but I don’t know how long I can continue to try and pretend that nothing’s wrong. It’s exhausting. And I don’t think Stephanie is buying it anymore.”

He sighed heavily. “Okay. We’ll tell them tomorrow – not that it’s cancer, just that you’re sick. I still don’t want to scare them unnecessarily, but maybe we should be honest about you not feeling well.”

It wasn’t everything she wanted, but it was a step in the right direction. “I’m not complaining, but you were so set against telling them anything, I have to ask. What changed your mind?”

Jon grimaced. “Bri doesn’t fight fair.” He frowned at his wife. “I don’t think you being so friendly with her is such a good idea.”

“Oh?  Why not?” Dorothea fought back a smile.

“You’ve obviously taught her what my weakness is and she’s not hesitating to exploit that.” Grimace turned to a scowl. “You’re joining forces.....and that can’t be good for me.”

The smile won out, along with a chuckle. “Poor baby.” She patted his cheek. “Somehow I think you can survive it. The bigger question is whether she can survive the bear.”

“David suggested a nice pic-a-nic basket.”

Dorothea burst out laughing. “Are you Yogi or Boo-Boo?”

“Boo-Boo.....I think.”

She laughed even harder. “At least you’re the smart one. And look at the upside.....if you don’t give up the cigarettes you could be Smoky.”

“Ha, ha.” He rolled onto his side facing away from her, not bothering to tell her he hadn’t had a cigarette since the day she was diagnosed. Obviously – and understandably so - her illness was weighing so heavily on her mind she hadn’t even noticed. “I’m going to sleep. Good night.”

Dorothea snuggled up against his back, still chuckling. “Night honey.” She kissed his shoulder. “I love you.”