Chapter 106

The living room was strewn with boxes, bubble wrap, newspaper and tape. Standing in the middle of it, Brianna looked around and sighed. Everything in the room - in the entire apartment - had been carefully chosen by her, to suit her tastes, for her own enjoyment, if no one else's. It was the first living space she'd had where she didn't have to care about anyone else's opinions. It was totally about what she liked and wanted. 

Now she was about to give all that up. And she still wasn't a hundred percent sure that she wanted to. But she couldn't tell anyone the real reason why. She'd just sound like a selfish bitch. As much as she loved Jon and the kids, she was going to miss this place. She'd had a taste of independence and it was going to be hard to give that up.

Her realtor had been over the moon when she called to list the apartment. Apparently she had a waiting list of people looking for property in the area. In less than twenty-four hours there had been three offers to buy based on pictures only. And the top bidder was willing to pay an extra hundred thousand if they could move in within the next two weeks.

So she didn't have time to be sitting around. Wrinkling her nose, she reached for a figurine on the fireplace mantle. As much as she hated packing, she didn't trust strangers with her treasures. The only way to make sure they didn't get broken was to pack them herself.

The pile of boxes grew and her spirits fell. She wondered what she was going to do with everything. Nothing would suit the decor of Jon's house, but she refused to get rid of any of it. It was a big house. Maybe she could find a room no one used that she could put it in.

When her stomach growled, she took a break and headed into the kitchen. While her dinner cooked, she wandered around the apartment checking what she still had to do. In the bedroom, she fought the urge to sit down and cry. This was her favourite room. She'd spent weeks searching linen stores for the perfect bedding and accessories to create her 'lair'. It was going to break her heart to pack it all away.

Jon entered his bedroom intent on making sure it was ready for Brianna to move her things in. In the large walk-in closet, as he picked up the items of clothing that he'd left scattered around, he couldn't help but remember all the times his wife harped at him about picking up after himself. "See Dotty, I do know how to do it."

Dorothea's sisters had cleaned out all of her clothes shortly after the funeral and her personal items had been distributed to various members of the family, so there would be no uncomfortable reminders of that sort of the previous occupant. The same could not be said for the rest of the bedroom - or the rest of the house. Everything in and about the house was to Dorothea's specifications. He gave a mental shrug. Brianna could change whatever she wanted. Thinking of her apartment, he looked forward to it.

In the main part of the bedroom, the bed caught his gaze and he frowned. Maybe he should buy a new one. A vision of Brianna's 'lair' flashed through his mind and he grinned and reached for his phone.

Brianna's phone rang and she rushed back into the living room to answer it. "Hello."

"Hey honey. You sound out of breath. Did I call at a bad time?"

"No, I was in the bedroom and had to run for the phone."

"Oh. Okay. What are you up to?"

"Packing."

"Perfect. That's what I want to talk to you about. I don't know what you've got planned for the house and your stuff, but I have a request."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Do you think you can install your 'lair' here?"

"Where? In the guest house?" That might work.

"No, in the main house. In our bedroom."

"R...really?" To say she was shocked would be an understatement. 

"Yeah."

"You want to put my bed in your bedroom?"

"Our bedroom." Jon frowned. "And not just your bed. All of it. The lamps, the satin sheets, the fur cover and rugs, the suede walls......everything."

"You don't think it's a little....much... with the kids there?"

"It's not like there's naked pictures on the walls or anything. It's just fabric." His voice turned stern. "Don't go hiding behind that prim and proper shell again on me. I much prefer the inner wanton."

She had to laugh and felt her spirits lift a bit. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she feared. "I think something can be arranged." She was already visualizing what she could do with the room.

"Good. Do you want me to line up some painters, or do you want to look after that?"

"If you can give me the name of someone good in the area, I'll call them about the colour and timing."

"Done. When do you think you'll be ready to move everything?"

"I'll bring some off season clothes in a few days and I should have everything else ready for the truck by the beginning of next week."

"Okay. Sounds good."

When she pulled into her usual parking spot by the house that weekend, the door opened and Jon emerged with Jesse right behind him.  Copper beat them to her car.

"Hi guys." She greeted all three of them and thumped the dog's sides.

"Hey." Jesse answered already opening the back door of her car and pulling out a suitcase. "All of this going in?"

"Yes, the trunk's full too. Thanks Jess."

"Hi." Jon kissed her before reaching around her to pull the trunk release. His brows rose at the sheer number of suitcases and garment bags, but he'd been around women enough - and remembered the 'discussions' surrounding the design of the massive closet in his bedroom - to know better than to comment....mostly. "How many of these are shoes?"

"Only three." One delicate brow arched. "Is that a problem?"

"No! Not at all." He assured her quickly. He might be stupid sometimes, but he wasn't suicidal.

"Good answer."  Grabbing a bag, she headed for the house.

"Bina!"

"Hi Little Man!" Brianna put down the bag to catch the toddler running towards her.

"You staying here now?"

"Not quite. Next week the truck will bring my stuff." And I need to figure out where to put it.

"Bianna!" Jake ran in and nudged his brother aside for his own hug. "You make dinner tonight?"

"Sure. What would you like?"

"Pizza!" Was Romeo's vote.

"No, that's when Daddy makes dinner. Bianna can cook." Jake informed his brother.

During this conversation, Jon and Jesse made trips back and forth to the car, carrying in her bags. Jon happened to be going through in time to hear his son's opinion of his culinary abilities. Catching Brianna's amused expression, he just shrugged.

"I want psgetti." Jake decided.

"Sounds good to me too." Jesse commented as he passed through the foyer.

"Me too. With garlic bread." Jon added. "And Caesar salad."

"And maybe that cannoli cake we made before?" Stephanie contributed from the top of the stairs. "I'll help."

"Sounds like we have a menu." Brianna agreed. "Just let me get this stuff upstairs."

"I'll take care of the bellhop duties. You can get started in the kitchen." Jon offered.

"Okay." She was glad of the excuse not to face that bedroom yet.

An hour later, with dinner under control, she stood just inside the doorway to the master bedroom. Her suitcases were visible through the open door to the closet, but the rest of the room bore the stamp of the woman who had designed, decorated and lived in it. No matter how much Jon and the kids told her they wanted her there, no matter how much Dorothea had pushed and prodded to get her there, she wasn't sure she'd ever be truly comfortable staying there. Maybe it will be better once it's painted and my things are in it.

The smell of his cologne warned her just before strong arms slid around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. "The painters are coming on Monday."

She nodded.

He sighed and squeezed her. "You're still not sure about this, are you?"

"I'm sure that I love you and the kids."

"Then what's the problem?"

She shrugged. "It's just going to take a little getting used to." She paused. "This was Dorothea's room."

"And mine." He reminded her. "And now it's ours. You know she would approve."

"I know."

"It'll be different once it's painted and you put your stamp on it."

"Mmmm." She sighed. "Well, I'd better get to work unpacking."

"I'll leave you to it." He would have offered to help, but suspected he'd just be in the way......and she needed the time alone to come to terms with the situation. He kissed her neck. "Yell if you need anything."

"Thanks."

In the massive closet, Brianna grimaced, grabbed a suitcase and dug in. Due to her anal organizational tendencies, it was a simple job, but she took her time, arranging and rearranging clothes. Picking up a pair of sandals, she tried to fit them in a slot in the rotating shoe shelves, but they wouldn't fit. Something appeared to be blocking the slot. She bent to take a closer look and thought she saw something, so she reached in to try and pull it out.

It turned out to be an envelope....with her name on the front. Her stomach clenched when she recognized Dorothea's handwriting and she had to take a deep breath before opening it. Inside was a single sheet of paper.

Brianna (and if Jon is as smart as I think he is, you'll be the one reading this),

If you've found this letter, you're moving in. And if I know you was well as I think I do, I bet you're feeling unsure and a little uncomfortable. But you don't need to be. You are exactly where you're meant to be and I have complete faith that you will love and care for my family every bit as well as I could myself. 

And that gives me peace.

But don't feel you have to live in my shadow. This house and this family are yours now. Make them your own. I know you will never let them forget me, so you - and they -  don't need to be surrounded by reminders.

Make new memories, a new home, new lives. Be happy and know you have my full support.

Dot

Brianna could hardly read the last words through her tears. She sat on the floor in the closet for several minutes, then, still clutching the letter, jumped up and rushed out the door. She just had to go.

In the foyer, she stopped long enough to pull on her coat and grab her keys.

"Brianna? You leaving?" Jesse had heard noises and had come to investigate.

"I....I've got something I need to do. I'll be back." She assured him as she hurried out the door.

Frowning, Jesse watched her go. Something was wrong. He'd seen the tears in her eyes. She was upset....and he didn't like it. But he didn't know how to fix it, so he'd go to the one that would.

He found his father in his office reading something on his computer. "Dad?"

"Mmm?"

"Brianna just left."

Jon didn't look away from the screen. "Did she say where she was going?"

"No, just that she had to do something and she'd be back."

"Okay."

"Dad?"

"Mmm?"

"She was crying."

That got Jon's full attention. "Are you sure?" At Jesse's nod, he frowned. "Okay, thanks." 

After Jesse walked away, Jon thought for a few moments, then headed upstairs to see if he could find some clue to what was going on. In the closet her empty suitcases stacked neatly to one side and several pairs of shoes scattered around the shelving unit told the story of what she was doing, but not why she left. A closer look revealed a piece of white paper under a pair of shoes. Jon bent to pick it up and discovered it was an empty envelope. Seeing Brianna's name in Dot's handwriting on the front filled in the missing pieces. He didn't know what had been in the envelope, but he had a pretty good idea where Brianna had gone.

When he got downstairs, he found Jesse by the door, Jon's coat in his hand. "Are you going after her?"

"Yes."

Jesse held out the coat. "Good."

At the cemetery, Brianna parked near Dorothea's grave and walked across the grass. She stood staring silently at the stone for several moments, then sank down to sit on the ground and blew out a ragged breath. "Hi Dot." She lifted the letter still clutched in her fist. "I found the letter you left me in the shoe shelves. You were right. I'm moving in. And you were also right that I'm not completely comfortable with the idea." She paused. "Jon and I are getting married.....eventually. I think he proposed to try and make everyone more comfortable with my living in the house. But the kids aren't ready for us to rush into a wedding." 

She sighed. "I don't know what to do Dot. I think they're happy to have me around, but they're not quite ready to see someone officially in your role yet. So, as much as I appreciate your support and reasoning about making changes at the house to make it more my own, I don't think that's a good idea. At least not yet."

Bending up her legs, she wrapped her arms around them and rested her head in her knees. "I don't know about any of this Dot. I mean....I love them all, but I'm not sure any of us are ready for this. I would never want them to forget you, but I can't.....how did you put it.....live in your shadow either. I've spent too much of my life being the person everyone wanted and expected me to be. I can't do it anymore."

She closed her eyes, but that didn't stop the tears from overflowing. "I'm sorry if that sounds selfish. Maybe this is all a big mistake. Maybe I'm not the right woman for them after all. I'm sorry Dot."

The crunch of tires on gravel announcing she was no longer alone didn't register through her distress. Neither did his approaching footsteps.

"Having a little girl talk?" When she jumped and her head jerked towards him, he saw her tears. "Aw honey." He dropped to his knees beside her and wrapped his arms around her. "What's wrong Golden Eyes?"

The urge to spill it all to him was strong, but hiding any weakness or vulnerability was too deeply ingrained. She leaned against him and let out a ragged sigh. "I just got...overwhelmed. Moving my stuff into her space just reinforced her loss." she rushed to change the subject. "How did you know I was here?"

He pulled the envelope out of his pocket. "I recognized her handwriting and took a guess."

"So...was she psychic or just scary?"

"Because she knew you so well?" He didn't have to see the letter, he knew his wife.

"Mmm."

"Scary. And if you think that letter was scary, try living with that for over fifteen years." His lips twisted into a wry smile. "I couldn't get away with anything. She always knew what I was thinking before I did it."

"Wish I knew how she did that. It would be helpful."

Jon snorted. "Feeling better?"

"Mmm."

"Ready to go home?"

Brianna nodded. "Yeah. I guess we should. The kids will be getting hungry."

"So am I." He stood and held out a hand to help her up. "Let's go."