Chapter 54

Brianna took one look at Jon's face when he entered the living room and felt her stomach clench. She knew what had happened before he said it.

"She's gone." He looked stunned.

"Oh, honey." Carol hugged him while Dorothea's sisters cried quietly. 

While his family surrounded him, offering comfort, Brianna left to talk to the nurse about what officials needed to be notified, then escaped to the kitchen where she could stay out of the way of this very private family time, but be available if she was needed. Putting on a fresh pot of coffee, she turned to her own source of comfort.....she started cooking. No one may feel like eating right now, but she was going to be prepared when they did.

Jon stood at the back door, watching the kids playing outside, his parents on either side of him, dreading what he had to do.

Carol rubbed his back. "Do you want me to..."

"No." He shook his head. "I'll tell them." He took another couple minutes to gather himself, sighed heavily and opened the door.

Jake saw him first and came running. "Daddy, you come play wif us?"

"No, buddy."

Stephanie and Jesse approached more slowly, their stomachs sinking at the look on his face and the tone of his voice. Stephanie picked up Romeo and hugged him close.

"Dad?" Jesse couldn't force out more words.

Jon nodded, his eyes wet with tears. "She's gone."

Stephanie buried her face in Romeo's neck and burst into tears. Jon wrapped his arms around both of them.

"Who gone?" Jake asked.

"Mommy's gone to heaven." Jon answered.

"Oh." Jake frowned. "When her tomin home?"

"She's not!" Jesse answered, his voice rising with each word. "She's gone and she's never coming back!"

"Jesse...." Jon reached out an arm to comfort his son.

But Jesse wasn't having any of it. "NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" He pulled away and tore into the house, dodged various family members and ran upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him.

"Should someone go talk to him?" Linda put the question to the room.

The Bongiovis shook their heads.

"Not yet." Was Carol's opinion. "Let him have some time to himself."

"I'll go up in a bit." Jon agreed, entering with the other kids, who were quickly enveloped by the family.

The slamming of the door jerked Brianna's attention away from the lasagna she was putting together.  Her heart went out to everyone in the house. She could only imagine the pain they were all feeling. 

Wiping her hands, she sighed and checked the cookies baking in the oven. She contemplated what she should do. She had no business being there. She was an employee, not a member of the family. But they might need help with something. She shook her head at her own arrogance. There were lots of family members around to help, with more no doubt arriving the next day. Not to mention the staff that were paid to look after the house. They didn't need her. She didn't belong there.

Decision made, she refocused on her food preparations. She'd make sure they had enough to get them through the next day or so and she'd leave in the morning.

Carol entered the kitchen to find Brianna cutting up vegetables and arranging them on a tray. A plate of cookies sat on the counter and the smell of lasagna filled the room. "So this is where you disappeared to. You've been busy."

Brianna shrugged. "No one may feel like eating, but there'll be food ready if they do. I figured lasagna would be easy to warm up whenever people got hungry."

A small smile curved the older woman's lips. "I was going to ask if there was Italian in your background, but that statement tells me there isn't."

Brianna frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Italians coping mechanism for highly emotional events is food. Making it and eating it. Believe me, this will be much appreciated by at least three quarters of the people in this house." She sat on a stool on the other side of the island and set a notepad and pen in front of her. "Now. We need to discuss the arrangements that need to be made for the next few days. I was thinking maybe a roast and turkey would be easiest. People will bring or send food, but we need to be prepared to fill in the cracks. And then there's the funeral. Maybe we should bring in a caterer. What do you think?"

The funeral itself had already been planned - by Dorothea herself.

"Whatever you think." Brianna answered. "I can do a grocery run and call some caterers tomorrow before I had back to the city if you'd like."

Carol frowned. "You're going back to the city tomorrow? For how long?"

"I'll come back for the funeral."

"So.....you’re going to leave my son and my grandchildren alone when they need you the most? I thought you cared about them! What about your promise to Dorothea to make sure her family was taken care of?"

Brianna was surprised at the attack. "I'm hardly leaving them alone when their entire family is here!" She sighed. "I don't belong here right now Mrs. B. This is a very private, family time and I'm just an employee."

"It's Carol, and I thought both Dorothea and Jon made it clear you are more than just an employee."

"That was....before.....and mostly to placate Dorothea."

Carol shook her head. "I thought you knew them better than that. Regardless, I would appreciate it if you would stay. I could really use your help."

Brianna sighed, and nodded. "Okay."

They were deep in meal plans and grocery lists when Jon walked in. Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he bit into a cookie, picked up the plate and sat down beside his mother.

His red rimmed eyes tugged at Brianna's heart. "Hungry?" He hadn't eaten much breakfast and had ignored his lunch. When he shrugged, she pulled trays of cheese and vegetables out of the fridge and set them in front of him. "Dinner won't be ready for an hour or so."

Jon nodded and reached for a piece of cheese. "Thanks."

"Has Jesse come down yet?" His mother asked.

"No." He raked a hand through his hair. "I went up to try to talk to him, but he won't open the door. Dad and Linda tried too." He sighed and bit into another cookie. "These are good."

Brianna smiled. The man did love his cookies. "Thanks."

He eyed her thoughtfully. "You should give it a try. Maybe you'd have better luck."

"Excuse me?"

"With Jesse. You've dealt with him really well through her illness, maybe you can get him to talk."

She was doubtful, but she owed it to Dorothea to at least try. "If he won't talk to you I doubt he'll talk to me, but I'll give it a shot."

Upstairs, she stood outside Jesse's bedroom door, trying to plan what to say. What the hell do I know about helping a child cope with grief? She could hear Dot's voice advising her on how to deal with Jesse during one of their first conversations about the kids: 'he's a lot like Jon, he responds to love and a firm hand. Show no fear'.

Please God, let me do this right! Taking a deep breath, she knocked. "Jesse? It's Brianna. Can I come in?"

"Leave me alone!" Came blasting through the door.

Praying Dorothea was right, she opened the door, and walked in. 

Jesse sat up on the bed and glared at her. "I said, leave me alone!"

"No Jesse, I won't. You just lost your mother. You're hurting, you're angry and it's overwhelming you. I get it. But closing yourself off from everyone won't help. It will only make it worse." She sat on the edge of the bed, her confidence rising when he didn't move away from her, but seemed to be listening. "Honey, what you're feeling is completely normal and expected. Everyone in this house is feeling the same thing. And everyone grieves differently. But keeping it all bottled up inside will only hurt you more."

"I don't want to talk about it!" His expression turned mutinous.

"You don't have to talk about it, but you do need to find a way to release those emotions boiling inside you before they eat you up." She studied his face. It was drawn and pinched, but showed no sign that he'd been crying. Listening to her instincts, she pulled him against her, cradling his head on her chest. "Cry."

"No!" He struggled against her hold. "Let me go!"

"Not yet. Jesse, let go. Let it out. Cry!"

He still resisted.

"Cry dammit! She was your mother! She loved you! Do you not care enough about her to shed a few measly tears at her death?" She closed her eyes and waited.

His struggles slowly eased and his body started to tremble.

She hugged him tighter. "Let go, honey, just let go."

It started with two tears escaping and running down his cheeks, but quickly escalated into gut wrenching sobs.

Brianna let out a relieved sigh and rocked him. "That's it. Let it all out."

When he finally wound down and moved to sit up, she let him go. She smoothed his hair back from his face. "Okay? Feel better now?"

Jesse shrugged. "A little I guess." He frowned. "Still hurts."

"I know, and it will for a long time. But it will get better in time." She squeezed his shoulder. "Ready to come downstairs yet? Dinner should be ready."

He sniffed. "What are we having?"

"Lasagna."

"I could eat."

Brianna couldn’t help but smile. Looks like Carol was right. "Come on, let's go."

At the top of the stairs, Jesse stopped. "Brianna.......thanks."

"Anytime Jess. Anytime."

When they entered the dining room, Carol smiled at Jesse, handed him cutlery to set the table with and followed Brianna into the kitchen. Catching the younger woman's eye, she nodded her head in the direction of her oldest grandson. "And that is why you need to stay. Nice job."

"I didn't do anything. Just told him it was okay to release his emotions."

"You got through to him when no one else could." She smiled. "Dorothea chose wisely."

With that, she picked up two bowls of Caesar salad and returned to the dining room.

Brianna stared after her, then shook her head. Grabbing oven mitts, she took the lasagna out of the oven and followed.