Chapter 60

Christmas was fast approaching. Brianna was looking over her gift list at her desk when her phone rang. Her thoughts on the holiday, she answered without looking at the screen. "Hello."

"Bianna? You take me chopping? Pease?"

"Hey buddy! Shopping for what?"

"Kissmass pesents!"

"Ummm...."

"Jake, who are you talking to?" Jon spoke in the background.

"Bianna."

Jon frowned. He hadn't heard the phone ring. "Does she need me?"

There's a loaded question. Brianna grimaced.

"No. I need her take me chopping."

"What for?"

"Kissmas pesents."

"You don't need to bother Bri. I can take you."

Jake sighed in exasperation. "I can't buy you Kissmas pesent if you der Daddy!"

Listening to their conversation, Brianna chuckled.

"Oh. Right. Okay. Let me talk to her for a minute."

She could hear mumbling and rattling.

"Hi."

"Hi." Amusement still coloured her tone.

"Are you laughing at me?"

"Don't you know anything Daddy?"

"Brat!"

She laughed. "Seriously though, I'd be happy to take him shopping. The others too if they want to go. Unless your mother or one of the aunts was going to take them."

"Nothing planned. And I think they'd rather go with you."

"Okay, what about Saturday? I could pick them up around nine-thirty."

"Sounds good. See you then."

Hanging up, Brianna rubbed a hand over her face. This was going to be a very difficult holiday for all of them. It had been Dorothea's favourite holiday and she'd always gone all out. Brianna had a feeling it was going to take all the strength the family had to get through it.

"Bianna!" Jake was out the door before Brianna even came to a complete stop.

"Hi buddy!" She bent to hug him. "Ready to go shopping?"

He nodded. "Uh huh. Stephie and Jesse tomin too!"

"Not before you pick up your toys and get your coat on." His father reminded him from the doorway, a grinning and waving Romeo in his arms. "Come on in Bri. Have a cup of coffee before you go."

"Looking for a little adult company?" She guessed.

Jon grimaced. "I love my kids, but..."

She patted his back, took Romeo from him for a hug and started for the kitchen. "I understand."

Ten minutes later, Jake had run out of patience. "Bianna, come oooon!"

"Okay buddy, I'm coming." Draining her mug, she stood.

Stephanie and Jesse were waiting in the foyer.

"You guys ready?"

"Yep." Jesse answered.

"You've got the credit card?" Jon asked quietly.

"Yes." She pulled her car keys out of her pocket. "Okay gang let's go."

"Call me if you're not going to be back for dinner." Jon called after them.

Brianna waved to acknowledge she'd heard him. "So what's the plan?"

"Head to the music store in Redbank first." Jesse instructed.

It was a laughter filled day - something Brianna had a feeling the kids hadn't had in a long time, but desperately needed. As they got closer to the house, the car became quiet. Brianna's heart went out to them.

Turning in the driveway, all three kids sat up in their seats.

"Looks like Dad got Ramon to put up the outside decorations." Jesse noted.

Two huge wreaths and a swag of ivy adorned the gates. As they passed through, several trees and bushes covered in white lights became visible. Another wreath hung on the front door with more ivy, lights and ribbon bows tastefully displayed around the entryway.

"Unka Wemma here!" Jake had identified the car parked next to Brianna's usual spot. He barely waited for Stephanie to undo his car seat before he was out of the car and running for the house.

"Hey! Help us carry your stuff in!" Jesse called after his brother. "Brat!"

Hands full, they made it about halfway to the door when Jake ran back out. "Huwy up! Daddy gotted a Kissmas twee!"

Stephanie and Jesse exchanged surprised looks, then grinned and rushed towards the house.

Brianna entered the house loaded down with bags in both hands and almost tripped over the ones Stephanie and Jesse had dropped in the foyer. "Hey! A girl could break her neck here!"

"Holy shit Beautiful, did you leave anything in the stores?" David came to investigate.

"A little bit. I didn't want to be greedy." She forged a path to the stairs. "Make yourself useful and help me get this stuff upstairs would you please? STEPH! JESSE! COME HELP CARRY STUFF UPSTAIRS PLEASE!"

Upstairs, Brianna cornered David. "What's going on down there?"

"He finally was able to face the decorations. He said it was for the kids, but I think it's helping him too." He squeezed her shoulder. "It's all good Beautiful, I'm here to help."

"Good."

Returning downstairs, Brianna stuck her head in the living room. "Nice tree. Okay, everything's hidden, so I'm going to head out."

"NO!" Jake frowned.

"Why don't you stay for dinner? The least I can do after you ran my kids all over today is feed you." Jon invited. "You can help us decorate the tree after."

The pleading in his eyes had an edge of desperation.

"Okay."

Dinner was a noisy hour. Thanks to David, by the end of it, Brianna was wiping tears of laughter from her cheeks. Even Jon cracked a few smiles.

Returning to the living room, Brianna took a seat on the couch to watch the tree decorating process. Romeo climbed into her lap and leaned back against her, mesmerized by the lights and shiny ornaments.

"Bianna hep me!"

Brianna glanced up to see Jake enter the room slowly, carefully carrying a container full of water for the tree. She jumped up to help before it got dumped on the floor. She'd just about reached him when Copper came barreling in, sideswiping Jake as he passed. The container flew out of his hands.....and drenched Brianna from the waist up.

The instant hardening of her nipples testified as to how cold the water was. She gasped.

"Uh oh! I sowy!" Jake's eyes were huge.

"It's okay buddy. It was an accident. It's only water." She patted his shoulder with one hand and plucked at her saturated sweater with the other. Hearing muffled snickers, she looked up to see grown men acting like pubescent school boys.

Jon sobered somewhat at her glare, but it was a battle to keep the grin off his face. He waved a hand towards the stairs. "Come on. We'll find you something to change into while that dries."

In his bedroom, he led the way into his walk-in closet and pulled open a drawer containing sweatshirts. "Help yourself."

Grabbing the blue Giants sweatshirt off the top of one pile, Brianna hesitated, then almost laughed at herself. He'd seen her undressed before - more than once. Modesty now was ridiculous.  She peeled of her sodden sweater, spread it over a chair to dry, then hesitated again. But there was no help for it. Her bra was as wet as the sweater. With a mental shrug, she removed it and tossed it beside the sweater. Pulling the sweatshirt over her head, she hugged herself for warmth and turned towards the doorway where Jon stood waiting.

Even though he knew he should turn his back, he hadn't been able to look away. Obviously he was a glutton for punishment. He'd had to fight his body's reaction every time she got close enough for him to smell her perfume. He had a permanent semi hard-on when she was around.

But she also made him feel less.....alone. Aside from her physical attractiveness, he enjoyed her company. She was easy to talk to and fit right in with his family and his friends. She didn't push him to talk about his feelings like some did, but he knew she was there to listen if he wanted to, although she seemed to know without him saying a word. She made him feel....comfortable and...at peace. More so than he had in years. His favourite days were the ones Brianna came over. He looked forward to them so much, he'd started looking for reasons to call her out to the house. She made him.....content.

Then he thought of Dorothea and felt guilty.

But it didn't stop his body from hardening at the sight of her in his sweatshirt. "Better?"

They both ignored the huskiness of his voice.

"Yes." Brianna told herself the shiver than ran through her body and the swirling sensation in her core were from being wet and cold, not from his voice caressing her nerve endings. "We'd better go see what Lemma's done to the tree." Her lips twitched. "I've never seen a Jew decorate a tree before."

"He comes every year. Says he's making up for not having one as a kid."

David stood back and watched the family scene in front of him. More accurately, he watched his friend and his assistant. While Brianna laughed with the kids and helped them decorate, Jon watched her. The look of yearning, followed by quilt that crossed his face made David rethink his opinion of Dorothea's plan. Maybe she wasn't as crazy as I thought.

When the tree was finished, Brianna stood in front of it and lifted Romeo into her arms. "See? Pretty."

Jake stood beside her and Stephanie and Jesse moved to stand on her other side. They all stared at the tree, lost in their own thoughts. When she felt Jake lean against her, Brianna reached down with her free hand to sift through his hair. "Your mom would be pleased."

Seeing the expression on Jon's face as he looked at the group in front of the tree, David had to agree. Yes, I think she would be.

Romeo blew a kiss to the angel on top of the tree.

Chapter 59

Leaving Jon asleep, Brianna showered, dressed and headed downstairs. The others were already there and all heads turned when she entered the kitchen. In answer to their unspoken question, she shrugged. "I did my best, but I don't know if it worked. We'll have to wait and see."

"Oh honey." John Sr. stood to hug her. "You look worn out."

"It wasn't one of my prouder moments." She sighed. Despite knowing it was for the greater good, especially for the kids, the memory of what she'd done made her feel sick. "I just hope it worked."

"Here Beautiful." David handed her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." She took a sip and looked at the group. "Anyone ready for breakfast?"

They were almost finished when the sound of footsteps on the stairs reached them. Hopeful glances were exchanged, but no one spoke.

A rumpled and slightly disgruntled looking Jon walked into the kitchen. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the people currently filling the room. Grimacing, he continued to the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee. As he lifted it to his mouth to take a sip he caught Brianna's gaze and pointed a finger in her direction. "You fight dirty."

"When I have to." She acknowledged. "When it's necessary to get the job done."

"Don't blame her." Carol began.

"I don't." He assured his mother. "I understand why she did it. Nothing else was getting through to me." He looked back at Brianna again. "Thank you." Turning back to the others, he grimaced. "I'm sorry I haven't been.....available.... the last little while."

John Sr. rose and squeezed his son's shoulder. "Sit down son, have some breakfast."

"Where are the kids?"

"Linda took them for the weekend." Carol answered.

"Okay." He was actually relieved. It would give him time to pull himself together before facing them

A couple hours later, after visiting with his family and David, Jon went in search of Brianna. He didn't know exactly what he was going to say to her, but his conscience was bothering him. His memories of the previous night were a little hazy, but he knew he'd lost control and he was afraid he'd hurt her. That was the last thing he wanted to do.  She'd been a godsend. He and the kids would never have made it through the last few weeks without her. She deserved his gratitude and appreciation, not his abuse.

He found her in his office, sorting through his mail and e-mail. "There you are."

Her head shot up. "Sorry. Did you need something? Do you need to use your desk?" She stood up.

"No." He waved at her to sit back down and took the chair on the other side of the desk. Not sure how to start, he cast about for inspiration.....and seized upon the letters on the desk as a way to chicken out. "Anything interesting or urgent?"

"Not really. Mostly sympathy cards. A couple invitations that I've already declined. Oh! Craig sent a status report on the teams readiness for next season you might be interested in." She held out a folder.

Taking it, he glanced through it before setting it down. "Thanks." He shifted in his chair. "Bri...." He hesitated, still at a loss for words.

"Is there a problem? Did I do someone wrong?" The knot in her stomach got bigger.

"No, no! You didn't do anything wrong." He assured her. "I did." He sighed. "Did I hurt you last night?"

Amber eyes widened. That wasn't what she was expecting. "No."

"Honest?" He met her gaze. "I know I kind of lost it and wasn't exactly gentle."

"No. You didn't hurt me. It's fine."

He stood and paced to the window, one hand raking through his hair. "No it's not fine. You've been.....incredibly generous to my family. I don't think we would have made it through everything without you. I know we wouldn't have. And that's how I repay you? With temper and violence?" He shook his head in self disgust. "You deserve better than that and I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

The knot in her stomach swirled around in a sea of acid on the verge of erupting. He couldn't have made his feelings any clearer. Of course he regrets what happened! You're just his employee, remember. And now that Dorothea was gone it was time that she remembered her place and respected the boundaries of her position. Straying beyond them only led to heartache.

"It's fine, Jon, really. No harm done."  She straightened the desk and stood. "Everything's done here. I'll head back to the city after lunch."

Jon turned and frowned. "Aren't you going to stay to see the kids?"

"No. I've done everything I came here to do. I need to get back."

The muscle in his jaw twitched, but he spoke calmly. "The kids will be disappointed if you don't stay to see them."

She studied his face. "You all need time together....as a family. Without outsiders in the way."

His frown darkened. "You're not an outsider. And you've never been in the way."

But he might as well have saved his breath. She was determined to leave and nothing he said would change her mind.

"Daddy!" Jake exclaimed when he entered the living room and saw his father sitting on the couch.

"Hi buddy." Jon hugged him.

"Feeling better?" Linda asked from the doorway, Stephanie and Jesse beside her, Romeo in her arms.

"Yes. Much."

She studied his face. "Good." Passing Romeo to his father, Linda hugged the others. "I'll see you guys later. Call if you need anything."

"Thanks Linda." Jon eyed his oldest two. "Guys, sit down for a minute. I need to talk to you."

"What's up?" Jesse asked as he dropped into the chair beside the couch.

"I owe you guys an apology. I haven't been there for you the last little while and I should have been. I'm sorry."

"It's okay Daddy." Stephanie, sitting beside him, reached out and squeezed his hand. "We miss her too." At his surprised look, she smiled. "Bri explained what was wrong."

Yet another thing I have to thank her for. "Well...I still shouldn't have locked myself away. Not from you guys. You needed me and I wasn't there."

"We're doing okay Daddy. We help each other. That's what family does...right?"

Jon stared at his daughter and smiled wryly. "Right." Lifting his hand, he smoothed it over her hair. "My wise girl. You remind me so much of your mother sometimes. God I miss her!" His eyes filled.

So did Stephanie's. She threw her arms around her father's neck and hugged him.

Jake hugged him from the other side. "It okay Daddy. We hep you."

"Thanks buddy."

"So how are your boss and his family doing?" Lisa asked as she passed the bowl of stuffing. The family was gathered at the Wilson home for Thanksgiving.

"As well can be expected." Brianna answered her sister-in-law. "Jon had a really hard time at first, but he seems to be recovering."

"What about your job?"

Trust her father to focus on work. "Well, things are a little slow, obviously, but there's enough to keep me occupied. It's mostly the charities and the football team for now."

"How much time are you spending at his house?" Sara wanted to know.

Brianna fought not to roll her eyes. "Just a few hours once a week or so."

"Smart girl." Edward nodded approvingly. "Just enough so he doesn't forget you but not enough so he takes you for granted."

Rachel shot Brianna a sympathetic glance. "How are the kids doing?"

"They have their good days and bad days, but they're getting through it." She tried not to think about Jake looking so sad every time she left.

"Have you decided what position you want in their lives? Assistant or wife and mother?" Sara eyed her daughter carefully.

"Sara!" Lisa was shocked. "They're grieving! I don't think they're ready to start looking to replace the poor woman."

Edward grunted. "She needs to decide what she wants before they do. Then she can position herself appropriately. You've got to strike while the iron is hot if you're going to succeed."

Brianna sighed and ground her teeth in frustration. "These are people we're talking about here! With feelings! This is not a business deal!"

"Don't kid yourself." Edward admonished her. "The rules for success apply to everything worth having in life."

Brianna didn't know whether to feel angry or sad about her father's view of life, but she was determined not to share it.

Chapter 58

Brianna hung up and sighed. Part of the reason she'd left the mansion on the Navesink was to force Jon to re-engage with his children - with life! The hope had been that this situation could be avoided.

But it hadn't worked.

The beauty of the fall colours nature was displaying on the drive to New Jersey went largely unnoticed. Brianna's mind was consumed by what she was going to have to do when she got there. Despite the instructions from Dot, she wasn't sure she had the knowledge - or intestinal fortitude - to pull him out of the dark place he'd sunk into.

Parking in her usual spot, Brianna sighed and trudged towards the house.

"Hi." Carol stood in the doorway.

"Hi." Brianna tried to smile. "How bad is it?"

"Come sit down and have a cup of coffee....or maybe you'd prefer a glass of wine....and we'll fill you in."

"That bad huh?"

"Mmmmm."

David, Matt, Tony and John Sr. were in the kitchen when they entered.

Brianna took one look at their faces and opted for wine. "So, what happened?"

"He completely shut down." John Sr. began.

"He hasn't come out of his room in almost a week." Tony added.

"He won't talk to anyone. Not even the kids. Every time I go in he's sleeping." Carol concluded.

"Okay." Brianna sighed and nodded.

"Can you help?" Matt asked.

"I don't know." Brianna replied honestly. "Dorothea warned me this could happen and explained what I should do, but......it's not pleasant." She grimaced. "Where are the kids?"

"Linda took them for the weekend." Carol answered.

"Good. This could get loud and.....ugly."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Tony offered.

Brianna shook her head. "No. Just.....don't judge me by what you may hear me say to him."

"Tough love." David understood her meaning.

Everyone around the table exchanged glances and nodded.

"Do what you need to do honey." Jon's Sr. encouraged her. "We'll back you up."

"Thanks." Brianna drained her glass and stood. "Wish me luck."

Upstairs, she put her bag in her room and changed into comfortable clothing. This could take awhile.

She stood outside Jon's door trying to gather her courage. Please God let this work! She knocked and opened the door. "Okay Jon, enough wallowing in grief and self pity. It's time get up and rejoin the living."

He didn't even open his eyes. "Leave me alone."

"Can't do that. You've indulged long enough." She walked to the windows and opened the drapes, letting in the waning daylight and the setting sun.

Jon just rolled over and buried his head in his pillow.

She stepped closer. "Jon, come on. Get up."

"Go. Away."

"No. Not until you get up."

He remained silent.

"Come on Jon. You've got four kids that need you."

She went on for over ten minutes, but he didn't even respond.

Brianna took a deep breath. "They just lost their mother Jon, are you going to deprive them of a father too? Is that what you want? For your children to be orphans?"

Still nothing.

"Dorothea died Jon. Should we be digging a grave beside her for you?"

When he still didn't respond, she looked up at the ceiling. Dot help me! Swallowing, heavily, she took a deep breath. "She left your children, Jon. Are you going to do the same? Will Tony or Matt get to walk Stephanie down the aisle when she gets married? Cheer Jesse on when he plays college football, maybe even the NFL? And what about the little ones? Jake will probably barely remember Dot, and Romeo won't remember her at all. Is that what you want too? To just be a picture in an album to your children? Dot...."

"Brianna! Leave Dot out of this! She was a wonderful mother!"

The use of her full name told her she was getting to him. Anger was better than nothing. Dot you'd better be right about him forgiving me when he calms down. "Yes, she was, but she left, Jon. She left her children......and she left you. She didn't care enough to stick around."

"Stop it!" He sat up and glared at her.

"She talked about how much she loved all of you, but not enough to put up with a little discomfort and fight to stay with you." 

"You're fired!" Fists clenching in his pillow, he threw it at her.....and missed.

Tears streamed down her cheeks at the pain she was inflicting. "She gave up. Devastated your children and left you to pick up the pieces."

"SHUT UP!"

"It's no wonder you're so depressed. The love of your life decided you weren't worth the effort and left you."

Flying off the bed, he grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her against the wall. "SHUT. THE FUCK. UP!"

"Everyone understands why you're upset. She basically dumped you."

"ARRRGH!" He pushed away and stomped around the bedroom.

"After everything you gave her.....she was living every woman's dream.....but it wasn't enough. Nothing you did was enough for her to make the effort. What a selfish bitch."

She saw it in his face the split second before he snapped. His hand closed around the bottle of Dorothea's perfume sitting on a dresser. Pivoting, he pitched it against the wall where it shattered. "The bitch left me!"

He toured around the room in search of more missiles. Anything that he could lift got thrown as hard as he could. "She just....left me!" Smash. "She promised she'd fight, but she gave up!" Crash. "She fucking gave up! On all of us!"

Downstairs, the sound of glass breaking and objects hitting the wall had the group still sitting in the kitchen looking towards the stairs.

"Should we go make sure they're okay?" Carol suggested.

David shook his head. "Let's wait. Brianna will let us know if they need help."

Upstairs, Brianna let him rant and rave while she focused on staying out of the line of fire.....and ignoring his nakedness.

Finally, Jon ran out of steam and sank down on the side of the bed. Resting his elbows on his knees, he buried his face in his hands.

Brianna saw his shoulders shaking and her heart ached for him. Judging it was safe to approach him, she sat beside him, hugging him with one arm and rubbing his back with the other. There were no words to make everything better, so she stayed silent.

He blew out a ragged breath. "She's gone."

"Mmmhmm."

Jon shifted, lying back on the bed, taking Brianna with him. He rolled until he was resting his head on her chest. Her arms cradled him. "What am I going to do without her?"

She stroked his hair. "You'll figure it out. You and the kids. You're strong. You'll all find your way. The family will help if you need it."

He was quiet so long, Brianna thought he'd fallen asleep, until his hand came up to grip her side, thumb rubbing the side of her breast. He rose up on an elbow to capture her mouth with his.

Brianna stiffened momentarily, uncomfortable with what was happening, but the look in his eye and the desperation she could taste in his kiss told her that he needed the physical release as much as he'd needed the emotional one. Relaxing, she let him do as he wished.

Distracted by his kiss, she barely noticed her clothes disappearing beneath his touch. The feel of his calluses lightly scraping her breasts brought her awareness to her nakedness and she shivered.

Jon let his hands roam, not really aware of what he was doing. His whole being was focused on finding pleasure induced oblivion. Even so, some part of his brain noted that her body reacted quickly to his touch. While his tongue stroked her hers, his hands stroked her body, lingering in her sensitive spots, until a fine sheen of sweat coated her skin. 

Two fingers slid between the swollen folds at the apex of her thighs to test her readiness. Feeling her wetness, he wasted no time plunging into her welcoming body. His eyes closed at the blissful pleasure of her humid sheath grasping his already throbbing erection.

Brianna inhaled sharply at his sudden entry, then moaned at the bolts of pleasure spotting through her as he began to move. Her hips lifted to match his rhythm. While her body felt the pleasure - in fact, was quickly overwhelmed by it - her mind sensed a lack of connection that had up until now accompanied their lovemaking.

She was right. Jon's entire being was focused on finding physical release. When she tore her mouth from his to gasp for breath, he didn't look at her, he just buried his face in her neck. Her orgasmic cries went largely unnoticed.

But release wasn't coming easily for him tonight. Sliding his hands under her hips, he angled them towards him so that he could reach deeper, and increased his speed.

It still wasn't enough.

Drenched in sweat and almost desperate, Jon lifted her legs onto his shoulders and fully extended his arms. All gentleness deserted him as he pounded into her, panting and straining.

"JON!" Brianna screamed as another orgasm crashed over herald her whole body went rigid.

Her channel clamping around his embedded erection like a vice finally pulled him over the edge. With a grunt, he collapsed onto her as his body emptied deep inside her. When he could gather enough strength, he withdrew from her body and rolled to the side.

Within minutes, his deep, even breathing told Brianna he was asleep. But she wasn't so lucky. She was still awake when pink rays of dawn lit up the sky. She prayed that her efforts worked, otherwise she'd just prostituted herself for nothing.

Chapter 57

 "How are things going?" Sara called to ask her daughter.

"About as well as can be expected I guess." Brianna replied. "The older kids are back in school. Jon's not doing any work yet." He wasn't doing much of anything, actually. He got up and took the kids to school and then she often wouldn't see him again until dinner. Busy with the house and Romeo, she didn't disturb him. She let him grieve in private. "They're trying to figure out a new routine."

"So, what are you doing?"

Brianna could hear the frown in her mother's voice. "Looking after the house, helping the kids.....whatever they need."

"Be careful there honey."

"What do you mean?"

"She means think about what you want and act accordingly." Her father's voice came down the line. She hadn't realized he was listening on the extension.

"Now you've really lost me. What are you talking about?"

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"For God's sake Father! He just lost his wife!"

He grunted. "That means he's available."

"And grieving!" Sara interjected. "It may be a long time before he's ready for a relationship."

"But he'll take what's handy and available."

"Edward!"

"I'm just being honest. Brianna, you need to decide whether you want to be his assistant or his wife. Because you can't be both and do an acceptable job. And if you want either to be long term you need to get out of his house. If he sees you as his plaything, ready and available to satisfy his physical needs, he won't respect you as an assistant or visualize you as a permanent life partner."

Brianna could feel her face burning. And he wasn't finished.

"And you living in his house makes you too handy. I didn't raise my daughter to be any man's..."

"Edward!"

"....toy." He finished.

"Father really!" Brianna couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Your father has a point about you living in his house Brianna. While it gives you the inside track, it may also make him take you for granted, or see you as a housekeeper and a nanny. You want him to choose you because he wants and loves you, not because it's the easy solution and he doesn't have to work for it. That's just two people sharing space, not sharing a life."

"Mom....." She didn't know how to respond. "I don't even know why we're talking about this."

"You can act as horrified and indignant as you want, but I noticed that not once have you said you didn't have feelings for him."

"Of course I have feelings for him! He's my boss, a good man and he just lost his wife."

"Romantic feelings." Her mother clarified.

"Arrrg!" Brianna growled in frustration. She couldn't identify her feelings for Jon to herself, she certainly wasn't prepared to explain them to her parents. "I've got to go."

"Remember what I said Brianna." Her father instructed. "Decide what you want your future to be, and behave appropriately. Don't let me down."

"Yes sir, I'll remember." Hanging up, Brianna clenched her fists in her hair. "Arrrrgh!"

"What wong Bianna?" Jake asked from the open doorway to her room.

"Oh nothing. My dad's just being..." She debated what to say to a four year old, then remembered what he'd called Jesse the day before. "...a doodie head."

"Oh, yeah." He glanced down the hallway towards his father's bedroom. "Dat not fun."

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Getting up, she hugged him. "You ready for your bath?"

"Uh huh." He nodded. "I can have cookie after?"

"Yes, my little Cookie Monster."

Jake giggled as he followed her down the hallway.

Jon leaned back his head and turned his chair to look out the window at the Navesink flowing by and disappearing out of sight in the twilight, wishing he could go with it.

Lethargy dragged at him. Every movement was an effort. He knew he should be going over the correspondence Brianna had prepared for his signature and the Soul Foundation projects that needed his input and approval, but he couldn't summon the interest. What did he need to do it for anyway? He had more than enough money for him and the kids to live on for the rest of their lives. What was the point?

The echo of Romeo's giggles coming from the living room made him smile sadly. He should be spending more time interacting with his children, but he didn't have the energy. Thankfully, Brianna was there to take care of their needs. They needed her more than they needed him.

All he really wanted to do was sleep. It was like all his years on the road, running all over the world had caught up with him. He'd never felt so exhausted.

Dragging himself out of the chair with a sigh, he walked slowly towards the living room. He stopped in the doorway to take in the sight. Brianna was sitting on the floor playing with trains and blocks with Jake and Romeo, while at the same time helping Steph and Jesse with their homework.

Just like Dorothea used to do.

God I miss her! The stab of pain was sharp and as fresh as the day she died.

"Daddy! You come pay wif us?" Jake pleaded, catching sight of him in the doorway.

"Not tonight buddy. Daddy's going to bed." He felt guilty, but they didn't really need him. Brianna would take care of them.

They watched him pass through the room, varying degrees of concern on their faces.

"What wong wif Daddy?" Jake asked Brianna.

"He's just tired and sad. He misses your Mommy, just like you guys." Brianna answered reassuringly, hiding her own concern.

"I'm a little worried." She confided to Carol the next day. "He's not doing any work, he barely eats and other than taking the kids to school, he doesn't interact with them much. He doesn't do much of anything other than sleep. I know he's grieving, but...."

Carol frowned. "Maybe we're doing too much for him. Maybe we need to make him feel more useful....needed."

Brianna thought about that for a long minute, a few of her parents’ words echoing in her head. "I think maybe I should go home to New York. If I'm not here, Jon will have to put out more of an effort with the kids. I don't want the kids to feel like I'm abandoning them, but some time without me around may be the best for them in the long run. Give them and Jon a chance to settle into their new routine without me around interfering."

"You've been a godsend, not an interference, but I know what you're saying." Carol considered for several minutes, then sighed. "You may be right. It might give him the kick in the pants he needs to pull himself out of the pit of grief and self pity he's wallowing in and be a father to his children."

"I'll plan to leave by the end of the week."

Easier said than done.

Brianna sat down with Stephanie and Jesse and explained what she was doing, assuring them she wasn't abandoning them and they could call her anytime, for any reason. 

When she told Jon she was going to the office in the city to catch up on some work, he just nodded, never taking his gaze from the view outside his office window.

Jake was a different story. The bottom lip came out and quivered. Two fat tears overflowed his eyes and ran down his cheeks."You weavin? But.....why? You pwomised you wouldn't weave!"

"It's not forever." Brianna assured him. "It's just for a little while. I'll be back."

But Jake wasn't buying it. Stomping up the stairs, he threw her a hurt scowl. The slamming of his bedroom door echoed down to the foyer.

Brianna sighed.

"He'll be okay. You're doing for him...and his brothers and sister." Carol assured her.

Mentally, she knew that, but emotionally, driving away from that house - and it occupants - was the hardest thing she'd ever done.

Two weeks later, Carol was at the end of her rope. Instead of stepping up and becoming more involved with his family, Jon had shut down completely. At this point, he wasn't even getting out of bed. She'd tried everything she could think of, but nothing worked. She had no idea what to do next.

When David stopped by to see how things were going, Carol was only too happy to fill him in. "I'm at a loss David. I don't know what to do. Do you have any ideas on how to help him?"

David sighed, a conversation he'd had with Dorothea as her health had declined came back to him.

"Jon will react one of two ways. He may lock his grief away and basically act like nothing happened. The upside to that is that he'll function okay and be there for the kids. The downside is that he'll take a long time to heal and move on. But you won't have to do anything, he'll come around eventually."

"And what's the other possibility?" David had a feeling he wasn't going to like the answer.

"He'll allow his grief to consume him and shut down completely."

"And what do we do if that happens?"

"If that happens, it's time for tough love."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Brianna knows. She'll take care of it."

"Can I help her?"

Dorothea shook her head. "No. She has to do it alone. But the rest of you need to back off and let her. It will sound loud, mean and nasty, but stay out of it and let her do what needs to be done. For Jon. For my family."

David patted Carol's hand. "Yes, I do." Pulling out his phone, he scrolled through his contacts until he found the one he was looking for. She answered on the third ring. "Hi Beautiful. I'm afraid it's time to put Operation Tough Love into motion.”

Chapter 56

The day of Dorothea's funeral dawned sunny and unusually warm. The chateau on the Navesink was eerily quiet for a house filled with people.

Brianna checked that the food was ready for the luncheon that would follow the service while Carol and Dorothea's sisters helped the kids get bathed and dressed. Standing at the window, she took a deep breath and prayed for strength - for all of them - to get through the day. She heard a noise behind her and turned to watch Jon enter the kitchen and sit on a stool at the island. Without a word, she pulled a mug out of the cupboard, filled it with coffee and set it in front of him.

"Thanks." He sighed and gazed out the window.

Just then, Jesse walked in, went to the fridge and pulled out the orange juice. Brianna handed him a glass. He wandered to the window and sipped in silence.

The adults watched him for a moment, then Jon crooked a brow at Brianna, who considered, then walked up behind him to wrap her arms around his shoulders. Jesse stiffened at first, but quickly relaxed and leaned back against her.

The sound of the front door opening heralded the arrival of Matt and Desiree from the guest house. Footsteps could be heard on the stairs, followed by murmured voices in the foyer.

Jon glanced in the direction of the noise, but made no move to join his family. When the intercom at the gate buzzed, he sighed again, but got up to answer it and let the limos in.

It was a somber group that exited the house to climb into the limos lining the driveway. After making sure that Jon and the kids were safely in the lead car, Brianna started walking towards her own vehicle. As she passed the last limo, a hand on her arm stopped her.

"Where are you going Sunshine?"

"To get my car."

"What for?"

"Uh...to drive to the church." Her tone indicated he should have known that.

Tony shook his head. "That's what the limos are for. Get in." He waved towards the open car door.

"But.....they're for the family. I'm not family. I can drive myself."

He sighed. "Get in the damn limo, Sunshine. I'm not having that argument with you again." He shook his head and followed her in. "Do you give Jon this much trouble?"

Matt, who was already in the limo and had heard their conversation, snorted. "He'd say yes."

"She has to be stubborn to deal with him." Desiree argued.

Brianna couldn't decide if that was a compliment or a criticism, but decided it was best to ignore it either way.

At the church, while the family formed a reception line, Brianna took the two little ones to a quiet corner and kept them occupied with story books, colouring books and crayons. When Carol and Jon started down the aisle to take their seats, she gathered up the books and urged the boys forward to join their father.

When they were settled, she started down the aisle to sit with Paul and Evelyn. A tug on her hand stopped her. She looked down to see Tico slide over and pat the seat beside him. "Sit here nina."

She slid into the pew and leaned over to hug him before easing back and nodding at Alejandra and the rest of the band seated beside him.

It was a beautiful service with passages and hymns chosen by Dorothea herself. She said it would be the only time she'd be in control of the musical program with Jon around. Towards the end, Romeo started to get restless. Jon, Carol and Linda all tried to distract and contain him, but each time they restrained him, he screamed. "No! No!"

With a sigh, Jon released him and watched him wander down the aisle, his head swiveling, obviously looking for someone. "Bi! Bi!"

"Sshh..Romeo!" Brianna whispered. "I'm right here."

"Bi!" Romeo grinned when he found her and ran to climb into her lap.

Looks and nudges were exchanged amongst the congregation as people strained to see who Romeo had been looking for. Those who didn't know her speculated on her connection to the family. Those who did know her merely smiled, unsurprised at Romeo's attachment.

At the cemetery, Brianna stood with the band members, several feet behind the family. As the priest finished the final prayer and people started to disperse, Romeo broke away from his father and walked up to the open grave. Sitting near the edge, he started nattering in typical two year old speak - a lot of gibberish with the odd understandable word.

Jon could make out "Da-da", "Bi", "Essy", "goggie" and "owie" as he pointed to his arm where Copper had scratched him the day before. Then he tilted his head and laughed.

"Is he talking to someone?" Tony asked.

"Not sure." Jon replied. "Sure looks like it." He stepped forward and held out a hand. "Come on little man, time to go."

"No!"

"Here we go again." Carol sighed. "Romeo? Let's go home."

Romeo shook his head vehemently. "NO!"

Stephanie watched him and listened to his nattering for a couple minutes, then crouched down beside him. "Hey little man, who are you talking to?"

"Mum Mum."

Sniffles and soft sobs could be heard from several women who were close enough to hear their conversation, including Dorothea's sisters. Even Jon's eyes were damp.

Stephanie had to swallow and blink back her tears before she could speak. "Do you see her?"

He nodded.

Stephanie glanced around. "Where is she?"

"Der." He pointed towards the air above the open grave. He tilted his head again, like he was listening to something, then laughed.

Stephanie looked helplessly at her father, who looked at Brianna.

"Hey little man." She crouched down on the other side of him. "It's time to say goodbye to Mommy and go home now."

Romeo frowned and his bottom lip jutted out in a pout. He started to argue, but stopped, listening, sighed and nodded. Standing up, he took Brianna's hand. As they started to walk away, he stopped and turned back to face the grave. He brought one hand to his mouth and blew kisses. "Mum Mum."

Jon spun on his heel and stalked deeper into the cemetery.

The others moved towards the cars. Carol stopped Brianna. "Let me take Romeo. You go after Jon."

Brianna shook her head. "I don't think I should be the one..."

"Trust me Brianna. I know my son. You're the one he needs right now." She reached for Romeo's hand. "Come with Grandma little man. We'll go get something to eat."

Sighing, Brianna watched them leave. She turned to study Jon. Ignoring Carol's advice, she stayed where she was and let him have a few minutes to pull himself together. She knew he'd come back to Dorothea. He always did.

Jon wandered aimlessly amongst the tombstones. He just needed a few minutes on his own to get his emotions under control. Seeing Romeo blow his mother kisses did him in. He remembered all the time Dot had spent teaching him to do that.

When he came to a stop he found himself back at the open grave and stood staring at the casket. Oh baby, I miss you so much already. How are we going to go on without you? He sucked in a ragged breath.

Sensing Brianna standing near him, he sighed. "Do you think he really saw her?"

"I don't know, but children are more open to picking up on those kinds of signals and spirits."

He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "We'd better get home."

Back at the house, it was wall to wall people and Brianna was kept busy making sure there was always plenty of food available. Eventually, the non-family members left and things settled down. When Romeo started rubbing his ear, she scooped him up and held a hand out for Jake. Together they made the rounds to say goodnight.

She read them their bedtime story and tucked Romeo in. "Night little man."

He smiled sleepily.

Turning as she closed the door, Brianna saw him blowing kisses towards the corner of his room.

In Jake's room, she held up the blankets while he crawled in and tucked them in around him.

"Bianna?"

"Mmmmm?"

"Did you see Mommy today?"

"No, did you?"

"No." He paused, frowning. "How come baby Romey got to see her?"

"Well, he's little and needs to see her to understand and be comforted. You're a big boy so she can reach you other ways."

"Like what?"

"Like......when you want to do something that might get you hurt and there's a little voice inside you telling you not to do it, that's your Mom. Or when you do really well at something and you get a warm, bubbly feeling inside, that's your Mom hugging you and letting you know she's proud of you."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Yes. She'll always be watching over you and looking out for you."

He thought about that for a moment. "Okay."

She left his room to find Linda standing in the hallway.

"You're really good with them. I can see why Dot entrusted them to you."

Brianna shrugged. "I'm just doing what I think is best and praying I'm doing it right."

"You are, and the Hurley family thanks you from the bottom of our hearts." Linda hugged Brianna and returned downstairs.

Stunned, Brianna started down the hall. When she passed Stephanie's room, she heard somebody moving around and stuck her head inside the open door. "You going to bed too Steph?"

"Yeah. I'm tired. I might read for awhile though."

"Okay. Sleep well." She turned away.

"Brianna?"

She turned back. "Yes?"

"Do you think Romeo really saw Mom?"

"I don't know Steph. Maybe. Young children are more open to picking up signals and spirits. As we get older we get cynical and don't believe as easily.  But he's sure he saw her, so I say we go with that. Maybe she was trying to show him that she was watching over him.....just like she is the rest of you."

"Hmmmm. Maybe." She looked around her room and raised her voice. "I wouldn't mind seeing you too Mom!"

Brianna smiled. "Sleep well Steph."

"Thanks. You too."

Returning downstairs, Brianna made another run through the house looking for dishes, only to find that Carol and Dorothea's sisters had already cleared the rooms before they went home. She was in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher when Jon came in and sat down.

"Are the kids asleep?"

She nodded. "Or in their rooms at least." She paused. "It was a nice service."

He nodded. "Mmmmm."

"You must be exhausted. Why don't you go to bed?"

He rubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, I think I will. Thanks for all your help today." He stood. "You coming?"

"As soon as I finish this."

"Okay. I've turned off the lights and checked the alarm."

"Okay. Night."

"Night."

Brianna slid into her bed with a grateful sigh. It had been a long day, and she wasn't sure the worst was over yet. In fact, she was pretty sure it wasn't. She glanced around the room then fixed her gaze on the ceiling. "Help me find the right way to help them through this Dot. Help me deserve the faith you put in me to take care of them."

Rolling over, she drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 55

Returning from the grocery store the next morning, Brianna pulled into her parking spot, noting the new cars parked close by. It looked like friends were starting to stop by to pay their respects. Hope I got enough food!

She leaned her head against the seat and sighed. She was tired. Sleep had not been easy to come by the night before - at least in any significant quantity. By the time preparations were made for the next few days, and everyone got settled or left, it was midnight. Brianna had hardly gotten to sleep when she heard a child crying. She waited, figuring Jon would get up, but when it didn't stop, she'd gotten up. 

She'd found Jon pacing Romeo's room, the sobbing child in his arms. When Jon saw her, a look of relief had crossed his face. "I can't get him to stop. You try."

Brianna had gathered the toddler in her arms and rocked him, humming softly and rubbing his back. Within five minutes, the sobs had subsided and he'd drifted back to sleep. 

Jon's lips had twisted wryly. "Thanks."

A couple hours later, she'd heard footsteps in the hallway heading towards the stairs. When she hadn't heard them return, she'd gone to investigate. The kids had all been sleeping, but she could see the empty room through Jon’s open door, so she'd headed downstairs.....and had found Jon sleeping on the couch in the living room. Even with the fire going, the room had been a little cool, so she'd pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered him. She'd reached out a hand to move a lock of hair away from his eye and he'd let out a ragged sigh. Her heart had gone out to him. 

Then, an hour or so later, Jake had crawled into bed with her and had tossed and turned for another ten minutes before he'd been able to get back to sleep - and let her as well.

So, to say that she was tired was an understatement. Climbing out of the car, she opened the back and grabbed a hand full of grocery bags and wondered if she could nap with the little ones.

"Hey Sunshine, need a hand?"

"Hi Tony, yeah, thanks. Looks like you've got company. I hope I got enough food."

"Yeah, we do. Aunts, uncles and cousins." He surveyed the packed car. "Looks like you got enough for an army."

"Or an Italian family gathering." Matt suggested as he joined them. "Mom sent me to help."

Even with three of them it took two trips to get everything inside. Surveying the mountain of food waiting to be put away, Brianna sighed and dug in.

"Aunt Linda, I'm fine! Really!"

Brianna raised a brow at Stephanie as she stomped into the kitchen.

"What? She's driving me crazy!" Stephanie grumbled, grabbed a bag and started to put food away.

"She's just trying to comfort you."

"I'm fine!" Stephanie insisted.

"No, you're not. You will be, but right now you're not. You're in shock. And when that wears off you're going to crash. Aunt Linda just wants you to know that she's here for you when and if you need her." She eyed the teenager angrily slamming cans into a cupboard. "She lost her sister Steph. She's hurting too. Don't forget that. She needs you too."

Tear filled blue eyes turned to look at her for a long minute, then Stephanie nodded and started for the door. "Aunt Linda!"

Brianna sighed tiredly and went back to putting away groceries, praying she was handling the situation right. She jumped when strong hands settled on her shoulders and massaged gently.

"Hey Beautiful. I wondered where the miracle worker was hiding out."

"Hi Lemma. I haven't seen any miracle workers around here."

"That's not what Jon and Momma C tell me. From what I hear, you pulled Jesse out of a silent funk and got him to talk when no one else could, calmed a screaming Romeo, comforted Jake and shared your bed with him.....and then what you just did with Stephanie. Sounds pretty much like a miracle to me, or as close as I'm likely to see." He hugged her. "How did you know what to say to them?"

"I had a good teacher." She explained. "Dot. She spent a lot of time talking to me about the kids, how they thought, and how to deal with them." 

"She really planned this out."

"Mmmmm." She frowned. "I just hope I'm handling all this right."

"Oh, I'd say you're off to a great start." He gripped her shoulders, held her at arms length and studied his face. "How are you holding up? You look tired."

Brianna grimaced. "Last night was a little rough. I didn't exactly get a good night's sleep."

"Well, you need to look after yourself, or you'll be no good to anyone else."

"Yes, Daddy." She smiled.

"Daddy? I always knew you were a dirty old pervert Lemma." Richie set two huge casserole dishes on the island. "Cabbage rolls from Mom. She's in the living room talking to Momma C." He looked around at the bags still sitting on the countertops. "Although it looks like you've got enough food for a small army."

"The way people are eating, I'm not sure it's enough, so thank you, and thank your mother." Brianna moved to hug him. "How did you get here so fast?"

"I've been at Mom's for a few days." He explained. "Matt kept us updated on the situation." He lifted her face towards his with a hand under her chin. "You look tired. Rough night?"

She nodded. "Yeah, a little. I'll survive." A glance at the clock warned her she'd better get moving. It was almost lunch time.

"Bri, is there any......food.....wow." Jon's eyes widened when he took in the sight of the kitchen, every flat surface covered with bags of groceries or casserole dishes.

"Yeah. As soon as I get this put away I'll put together some lunch. What do you feel like?"

He shrugged. "Sandwiches are fine." Grabbing the closest bag, he started to empty it. Pausing, he eyed his friends. "You guys going to just stand there or are you going to help? You know where the fridge is."

"Gee Swingman, do you get the feeling Boo Boo's hungry?" David grumbled, but reached for the nearest bag.

"Yeah, we'd better hurry so that Brianna can feed him."

"I'll make a nice pic-a-nic basket for him." Brianna pulled bags of cut vegetables out of the fridge and held them out. "Here. Munch on these until we get things organized in here."

"Smartasses....all of you." Jon growled. But he took the bags she offered and bit into a carrot stick. Pulling out a stool, he sat down. At their inquiring looks, he grimaced. "I need a break from....that." He waved towards the living room.

Understanding, David and Richie settled in to do what they did so well - distract Jon and make him laugh. Before long, Brianna was again wiping tears from her face, but this time they were tears of laughter.

Carol and Joan entered the kitchen and stared at their sons and their friends. Carol raised a brow, Joan just rolled her eyes and shook her head. They may have looked disapproving, but inside they were pleased to see Jon laughing.

Joan picked up a platter piled high with sandwiches. "Brianna, I'm sorry you have to see these childish antics from grown men."

Carol snorted. "Joan, she was on tour with them for a year. I think she's probably seen them at their worst and hasn't run away screaming......yet."

"Good point. The poor girl." Joan winked at Brianna. "No wonder she's so good with the kids - the younger ones I mean. She's got a strong maternal instinct....and the patience of a saint!"

"Ha ha." Richie mumbled and reached for a sandwich as his mother walked by on her way out of the room.

Carol picked up the tray of raw vegetables and followed.

Each of the men reached for a sandwich as Joan passed.

Brianna sighed and reached for another loaf of bread.

After lunch was cleaned up, Brianna joined the rest in the living room, sinking down onto the couch with a relieved sigh. A few minutes later, Romeo left his blocks on the floor and climbed onto her lap.

Jon smiled sadly as he watched his baby curl into Brianna and drift off to sleep as she rubbed his back just the way he liked. He had to admit Dorothea had been right about one thing - Brianna was great with the kids, both as caretaker and grief counsellor. And they responded to her. Romeo was a prime example. If he needed a bath or help dressing or eating, his aunts or grandmother were perfectly acceptable, but when he was tired or upset, of all the family there - including him - it was Brianna, and only Brianna he wanted. She seemed to know how to calm him with a touch and a murmured word.

Catching Jake yawning out of the corner of his eye, he started to stand, but Brianna beat him to it, proving how closely she kept a watchful eye on his children.

Shifting Romeo in her arms, Brianna held out a hand. "Come on Jakey, let's go upstairs."

After settling Romeo in his bed, she entered Jake's room and tucked him in, bending to kiss his forehead. She started to straighten and step back from the bed. But Jake grabbed her arm.

"No weave! Stay wif me.....pease?"

The comfortable looking bed - and the pleading in his blue eyes - were more than her tired mind and body could resist. She stretched out on top of the covers beside him and within minutes they were both asleep.

Half an hour later, Jon looked at his watch and glanced around the room, making sure he hadn't missed her return. He checked the kitchen and the office. Finding them empty, he headed upstairs.

Standing in the doorway of Jake's room, Jon had to smile. He'd thought she'd looked as tired as he felt. Looked like he was right. Poor thing.

He pulled a blanket out of the hall closet and spread it over her. A lock of hair fell over her eyes and he moved it aside with one finger. "Sleep well Golden Eyes."