Chapter 66

Bright sun streaming through the window pulled Jon from a sound sleep. As he surfaced towards wakefulness, he became aware of the familiar warmth of a female body in the curve of his. A split second later his brain registered that something was....off. Then it hit him. It wasn't the woman who'd occupied that spot for most of his adult life.

She was gone.

Easing away without waking Brianna, he rose from the bed, pulled on his jeans and left the room. He found his way to the kitchen and a search of the cupboards yielded the makings for coffee. While he waited for it to brew, he tried to sort out his thoughts and feelings.

He'd slept better than he had in over a year. Waking up with Brianna had felt different.....but very natural and right. So why did he feel so guilty? He wasn't cheating on anyone and neither was she. Who did he think he was betraying? Dot? But she was gone....and he was doing what she wanted. Brianna? But he was with her because he wanted to be, not because it was easy and what Dot wanted.....right? Himself? But he was ready to move on and find happiness again....wasn't he?

Filling his cup, he wandered into the living room. Tico's painting caught his eye and he moved to stand in front of it and contemplate his life and his future.

Brianna stretched, rolled over and sighed. The small aches in her body reminded her of the events of the night before. She knew before she opened her eyes and turned her head that she was alone in the room. The warmth of the sheets beside her told her he hadn't been gone for long.

She thought at first that he might be in the bathroom, but when he didn't return after a few minutes, she stared at the ceiling and frowned. Had he left? Surely he would have awakened her to say goodbye....or at least left a note. A quick look revealed his shirt and shoes on the floor beside the bed. He hadn't left. So where was he? Was he feeling guilty?

Talking about having a relationship was one thing, actually trying to have one was something else. Particularly in this case with him being a recent widower and four children to consider. Maybe now that the fog of lust and passion was lifted he'd decided it was going to be too difficult, or it was too soon or something. She'd be lying if she said she didn't have some concerns herself.

She wasn't going to find any answers lying in bed. Rising, she pulled on her robe - the silk kimono from Japan. She remembered the look in his eyes when she'd tried it on and needed the confidence boost this morning.

She found him in the living room sipping coffee and staring at Tico's painting. "Good morning. You're up early. Couldn't sleep?"

Jon turned at the sound of her voice, but didn't move towards her. "Morning." His eyes licked over her appreciatively. "I made coffee." He walked away from her to the door to the balcony and looked out. "Looks like it's going to be another hot one."

She frowned at his evasion. "Who's with the kids?"

"Matt and Desiree." He glanced at his watch. "I should relieve them soon."

"Jon..."

"Are you hungry?"

"Not yet." Her eyes narrowed. "Is it regret or guilt?"

"What?"

"The reason you're up so early......and the reason you're being so distant with me. Things often look different in the bright light of the morning after. Do you regret last night? Are you having second thoughts about us?"

He shook his head. "No, I don't regret last night."

When he didn't say anymore, she prodded. "But you're having second thoughts about us having a relationship outside of work."

"No." He grimaced. "It's just....."

"Not as easy as you thought it was going to be?" She guessed. "It's a complicated situation."

He snorted at her understatement. "Ya think?"

Brianna sighed. She was going to need coffee for this conversation.

Jon watched her walk away from him and felt even worse. He followed her into the kitchen.

Turning with the coffee pot in her hand, she raised it towards him and refilled his cup when he held it out.

"Thanks." He frowned as she silently set down the pot and pulled out a frying pan and bacon.

While she cooked, she gathered her thoughts and tried to think of what to say. She really didn't have a clue.

Jon mentally kicked himself when he realized the greeting he'd given her was fine for an employee, but not for a girlfriend, especially after the incredible pleasure they'd shared the night before. He sat his cup on the table and stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you."

She leaned back against him and squeezed his arm. "I know. This isn't easy for either of us. There'll be a lot of stuff we'll have to work out."

The smell of bacon made his stomach growl. "Can we eat first?"

Brianna laughed. "Do you want to make the eggs or the toast?"

As soon as they finished eating Jon glanced at his watch and carried his plate over to the sink. "I hate to eat and run, but I need to get home to the kids."

"But..." She sighed. "Okay." She couldn't compete with his kids.....and wouldn't try if she could. So much for having a conversation about how this relationship will work. Maybe he just needed a little more time to figure it out.

She put food away while he finished getting dressed, and walked him to the door.

He leaned down to kiss her. "I'll call you later."

"Okay. Say hi to the kids - and Matt and Desiree - for me."

"I will. See you later."

Closing the door behind him, Brianna returned to the kitchen to finish cleaning up....and fought the feeling of being used and set aside now that his lust was sated. Don't go there! Give him the benefit of the doubt.

She didn't hear from him until three days later. He called her at the office.

"Hey. I think maybe it's time to start accepting a few invitations."

"Okay, if you feel ready. Do you want me to pick out the ones I think would be the best ones or do you want to look over all of them and decide for yourself?"

"You pick some out and I'll decide from those."

"Okay." She tried to shift the conversation to a more personal one. "How's everything there? The kids doing okay?"

"Yeah, they're fine."

"And you?" It was like pulling teeth!

"I'm fine. I'd really like to get back into the studio, but I don't think the kids are ready for me to tour yet."

Still a work related answer. She wanted to strangle him, but decided not to push it.....for now. "Have you thought about releasing an album, but not touring it? Maybe do a few shows here and there? It would give you a creative release without taking you away from the kids for large periods of time."

The idea intrigued him. "Hmmm. That's a possibility. Maybe I'll talk to the guys and Paul. Anything urgent or interesting today?"

"No, things have been pretty quiet. But if you start accepting invitations I'm sure that will change." She hesitated. "Jon....when am I going to see you?"

"Yeah....soon. Oh, Jesse's calling for me, I've got to go. I'll call you."

Brianna stared at the dead phone in her hand and felt the sting of unshed tears burning her eyes. She felt like she was back in high school chasing after a crush that said all the right words to get what he wanted - but he only wanted one thing. Pathetic! Maybe, despite his assurances, he really wasn't ready for a relationship. Or maybe he just sucked at being a boyfriend. Either way this wasn't going to work for her. She was going to have to decide whether to hang in and see if it got better....or cut her losses before she got in any deeper emotionally.

Four days later - with no phone call - turned her hurt and indecision to anger. When he finally showed up at her door on Saturday night she was ready to make her feelings regarding his behaviour clear.

"Hey babe." He greeted her when she answered his knock.

"Hi Boss. What's up? Do you need something? A letter written or a project researched?"

Her business tone should have warned him, but he ignored it. "No."

"You're not here about work?" She wanted to be perfectly clear.

"No."

"So this is a booty call."

"No!" He tried to step into her apartment, but she wouldn't move out of the doorway. "Aren't you going to let me in?"

"No. I'm off the clock. I was hoping to spend some time with my boyfriend, but apparently I don't have one. Have a safe drive back to Red Bank."

"Bri, come on!"

"I told you Jon, I won't be your whore."

The door closed firmly in his face.

He was stunned. "What the fuck?"